WTF Wednesday

I got to Orange Theory (OTF) early the other night and there was a new lady getting checked in. The trainer was going through some questions with her in order to assess her fitness level before giving her an orientation on the equipment. The woman haughtily announced that she works with a private trainer three days a week and they do “everything,” so she doubted that OTF would be challenging for her and she already knew how to do everything. She was only there because her friend “begged her to go with her.” She was being condescending and snotty to the trainer, so I immediately wished bad things upon her because I’m a cruel and petty person.

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She was also in full makeup with her hair down which is baffling in itself. HOW DO YOU EXERCISE WITH YOUR HAIR DOWN??? And doesn’t your skin feel disgusting with your makeup melting down it?? I know I’m a sweaty lady, but there is NO ONE in those OTF classes who isn’t drenched by the time it’s over. I’ve talked about this before, but I don’t understand how someone can exercise with their hair just bouncing around everywhere. A single tiny piece that comes out of a bobby pin can drive me batshit in .002 seconds. How can you stand it??

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Anyway, we started the class and it was a tornado workout. We spent a few minutes at each station (treadmill, weights, rower), then switched. Over and over for an hour. It was constant movement and it was hard. Much to my delight, around the 20 minutes mark Ms. Fitness America was laying on the floor gasping for breath. Then after 30 minutes she left the studio and sat outside until it was over.

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It filled me with glee that it was so hard for her. It is hard. That is the point. Anyway, I know it’s totally mean to revel in someone else’s misery, but don’t be a jerk.

Alan has really settled into his new life. I thought he was such a friendly and low-key fella, but I am now seeing the real Alan. He clearly went to the Bardot school of being a punk. I am doomed to owning bitchy pets in poor health. He bit my chin the other night because I dared to break eye contact with him while I was petting him. He bites my leg when I don’t immediately pet him when he lays down. He currently enjoys crawling up on my headboard, then launching all 16 pounds of his fat body down on me while I am asleep. And he keeps trying to eat my phone charging cord. I love him, but he’s being a pill.

I usually keep his food bowl full because, unlike Bardot, he casually munches throughout the day and doesn’t feel the need to frantically gobble up every single food that exists all at once. He looked like he had plenty of food when I went to bed the other night, but I guess he got hungry and ate it all. Around 3 am I heard the loud clanging of metal on metal. I turned on my lamp and good ol’ Alan was just sitting there popping his metal bowl up with his paw and letting it clang back down in it’s metal holder. While staring at me. I’m not sure about this cat. He was also diagnosed with an upper respiratory infection which means I get to shove pills down his throat which is not good for any of us. Have you ever heard a cat cough? It is weird.

For the sake of those who lost loved ones at Sandy Hook, please do not watch Megyn Kelly’s interview with Alex Jones. He is a monster and an opportunist. Trump has already given this idiot too much attention, but I hope that by not watching then we can make sure that NBC’s desperate and disgusting ploy for ratings fails.

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Additionally, Alex Jones, the degree to which you are attracted to her and your perception of her femininity have nothing to do with her job. Gross.

23 thoughts on “WTF Wednesday

  1. Omg Alan. I love him. Please tell us more tales.

    Also, sort of unrelated but on bitchy gym people – last night in the locker room 2 girls were negotiating over a hairband (one had none but the other wanted to use 2) and i was like “i have a fresh pack in my bag if you want one?” and they looked at me like I was an alien weirdo and now i’m not doing anything nice for strangers again. (at least not at that gym).

  2. Alan sounds just like a cat! I love cats. They are such brats, and I mean that as a compliment. My family’s cat used to paw on closed bedroom she wanted into, and if that didn’t work, she would stick her little paws underneath them and pull. If you let her in, she would climb all over and knock things down on top of you while you sleep. Good times!

    I don’t have a pet, and I would love to have one, but then I start thinking about all the control they would have over me.

    • They are so bossy. My former cat (my parents took her and won’t give her back) would wait until about 2 a.m. then start chewing on my lampshades which knocked over the lamp and everything around it. I ended up having to wipe jalapeno along the edges to get her to stop. Thankfully, Alan isn’t a total terror yet although I would love for him to stop parachuting down onto me at night.

  3. Thank you for your remembrance of those 26 angels. People forget and they shouldn’t.

    I sometimes have to wear makeup to the gym and I HATE it. I leave work and go straight to my training sessions. If I get a minute before I leave, I can wipe it off but if not, I’m doomed to wear it. Again, hate is the only way I can describe it. I can’t imagine why someone would wear it purposefully. Also what about the gym perfume people? My gym recently made itself fragance free which I so appreciate because working out with someone wearing Chanel #5 is nauseating.

    Yes, cats can cough if they have an infection. (And did you know there’s a Pets WebMD?) Alan sounds like a perfect cat to me 😀

    • I wipe mine off in the car as I drive over because it just feels so nasty. And, yes, perfume in the gym is awful. I always feel like I’m choking. And I had no idea they might cough for that reason either! I also didn’t know about Pets WebMD.

  4. Our new OTF opens for preview week on Thursday! I’m soooo excited to be a gasping, sweaty mess. My husband says he wants to get a sweatband to keep the sweat out of his eyes- so that should be a good story for the people who attend with us. 🙂

    And Alex Jones sounds completely appalling.

    • There are actually a few people in my classes that wear sweatbands (or caps) for that same reason. I hope you enjoy it!!! And Jones is a monster.

  5. I have bangs. I forgot a bobby pin to hold them back and didn’t discover that my gym bags was sans pins until I was at the gym. I legit almost cancelled my class because the thought of bangs being glued to my face with sweat was too much to handle.

    (I ended up fashioning a paper clip into a makeshift hair clip. It didn’t work 100% but it was way better than 0%.)

    • I would do the same if I couldn’t find something to secure them. And, my bangs are basically long enough to pull back in my ponytail now, but every now and then a few short pieces break free and IT IS HELL.

      • I have legit not gone running when I forget a hairtie. I cannot run with my hair down. I see ladies like that during races and am very WTF about it. I can’t even follow them, they bother me. Lol.

  6. I can’t run without chapstick and a clippy for my hair. I recently ran a race and on the way I got an email from my mom that I described as “mom on crack” because it was so disturbing. I lost my concentration and left it all in the car. Worst three hours ever. Hair in my face. Lips SO DRY (thank you Colorado). Day “warmer than expected!” says cheerful weather man I now want to run over with the car.
    My cat walks on me…pats me viciously with his little paw and as soon as I pet him he starts to bite me “with love”. Since it hurts…I say ow and my husband tosses him off the bed. Gently but firmly. He hops back on but doesn’t bite. The cat is resilient. Still…he wants his morning pets and his morning treats “please get up now I know it’s 4:30 but come on I saw that toe move”.

    • That sounds like a nightmare. I’ve turned around and gone home more than once because I didn’t have chapstick.

      • yep…I would totally turn around except it was the Bolder Boulder. 50,000+ runners. I was already the hour from home and IN Boulder. if I was alone I would have gone back to my car and run a later wave. I was with my husband…why give him more ammunition to remember how neurotic I am?

  7. I have a deep disdain for women who work out with their hair down. It makes no sense!

    Obvi also have deep disdain for Alex Jones, so called Sandy Hook “truthers” and Trump. I also refuse to watch Megyn Kelly on principle.

    • I also agree that it makes no sense – or you’re a freak who doesn’t sweat which makes me even angrier. I refuse to watch her too, and this foray into NBC is embarrassing. She comes across as unprepared and silly. That picture of her and Jones sitting and smiling in that car was infuriating.

  8. the hair down thing?! that has baffled me for years and drives me absolutely insane. i thought your feelings towards that woman were completely valid and i would’ve wished the same upon her. why be rude to people trying to help you?! you made the CHOICE to go! not gonna lie, the fact she left made me big time smile.
    i just joined a new gym (my old one closed! still super sad about it 🙁 ) and I’ve witness all kinds of people and things that make me feel like the most judgmental person but i cannot help it. lots of WTFs to myself. makes the work out go by faster with my mind preoccupied!

    your cat is super cute.
    nbc should be ashamed for running that piece on that disgusting human.

    • I get secret joy too when people are asshats then it bites them in the ass. OF COURSE a new kind of workout is going to be really hard.

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