Spiced Up

Since deciding to not run the Big Sur Marathon and starting my double job duties, I stopped working out and have been more focused on eating a lot of feelings and anxiety. It’s been a bread and beer bonanza.

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The  minute I feel overwhelmed and short on time I completely give up even trying to make healthy choices. And what’s crazy is that it takes more effort to stop and buy crap than it does to just eat what I already have at home. It is craziness I tell you, CRAZINESS! It also doesn’t help that a really nice grocery just opened up right by campus and they have so many wonderful fresh meals in their freezer section. They also have a beautiful salad bar and all kinds of healthy quinoa options, but I’ve been getting the lobster macaroni on the regular. It’s only $6 and tastes like HEAVEN. Someone told me there is no way it’s lobster in there for $6, but do you think I give a crap? It tastes great!

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That mystery ocean meat macaroni is my 8 pm joy. I’ve also been eating lots of bread and cheese and PLENTY of Reese’s. It’s probably a good thing that we are out of holiday candy season because I prefer the eggs, trees, or pumpkins, but I can make do with a traditional cup when I must. Obviously, none of this feeling eating is doing anything to help me mentally or physically. I wake up sluggish, puffy, inflammed, and just generally cranky. I’m hungry all the time (also, shout out to Prednisone for that). Things don’t fit well and I spend all day in a food hangover which only makes me want more food. The usual. So, I’ve been a real peach – tired, stressed out, and cracked out on snacks.

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Are there people who just eat mostly healthy all the time for years on end? I feel like every few months I’m having to get my shit together. WHY IS MACARONI AND CHEESE SO GOOD??? Also, why are my pants to tight suddenly? I don’t understand why I don’t want to eat healthy. It is completely logical. My arthritis does better, and it’s better for your body and well-being. My skin is better, I have less anxiety, and my cltohes fit. But, also, why does a whole lot of cheese taste so good? Riddle me that!! Why can’t I want a salad like I want goat cheese with jam on delightful little crostinis?? WHY.

I’ve also not been working out because it hasn’t been a priority. There’s not a good excuse, I’ve chosen sleep over exercise. I got my act together on Sunday and went to OTF again which was crazy hard, but I am glad I did it. I went again yesterday morning (I was too sore on Monday or Tuesday to do it), and I can barely manage to sit down because everything hurts so much, but I did it! If I can just get through the next few weeks trying to make mostly healthy choices and exercise, then I will be thrilled. Hoping to do another round of Whole30 when I get back from Texas! Only time will tell.

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17 thoughts on “Spiced Up

  1. Evolutionarily, we are designed to want the fatty, salty, sugary foods. I like to think that the genes I have helped my ancestors survive the lean times by being great at storing fat!

  2. You speak to my soul. Luckily, I just got an email this morning from our corporate wellness team- they are doing a session on Mindful Eating. I’m positive that will solve all of my eating issues…

  3. I feel like this post came exactly from my brain! I’ve been doing the exact same thing lately. I could feel my anxiety ramping up and it’s been pizza, ice cream, mac and cheese, Hi Chews (horribly delicious and addicting fruit flavored chewy candies), and pretty much anything that I don’t already have at home or that is healthy. I have autoimmune issues as well, and also am lactose intolerant, so you can imagine that I feel SUPERIOR at the moment. I have full confidence we’ll both swing out of this shit food funk soon!!

    • Yes we can! And here’s hoping you can get it together too. Why does anxiety taste like sugar and cheese?

  4. I think waves of healthy/yucky are fairly normal. You probably feel it more because of your RA. I think your energies are spent somewhere else and by the time you get to that, you’re just spent. The new position at work should really help with all this… ::sarcasm::
    As you can see I’m good at pointing out the obvious.

    • I have no space to care about eating healthy. Even though it’s just as easy to grab a salad as macaroni and cheese, my brain says NO.

  5. Dairy contains proteins called casomorphins which are intended to bond a calf to it’s mother. So then people eat it and they bond to the cheese…

  6. Oh I feel you! I got diagnosed with gestational diabetes recently and to minimise the risk of giving birth to a giant baby I’m forced to cut out added sugar, count my carbs and snack smarter. While the baby’s kept growing nicely (within normal range so far) I’ve actually managed to lose some weight around my hips, thighs and arms thanks to the change in diet. By the time the baby comes it will have been three months of healthy eating, which you would think would be long enough to form a habit, but I’m already planning the biggest, greasiest burger, loaded fries and milkshake blowout imaginable. My brain seems unwilling to accept that healthy eating should be standard.

    • I would be the same. I can’t eat healthy without dreaming of exactly how I’m going to be unhealthy.

  7. I went to HEB earlier and bought brie, french bread, and a bottle of wine. Dinner was glorious. Later, I’ll be eating ice cream. I don’t even feel a little bad.

  8. I hate the constant non-stop struggle of cheese vs. any clothing fitting. Hate. And believe me when I say, the older you get, the more real that struggle becomes. Like you, I have to straighten myself out every few months.

  9. I’m one of those people. The ones that mostly eat healthy for years on end. For me I just got tired of being tired. Then I had the thyroid thing, so eating better helps. Then came the pre and now post meno. Trust me one day its going to be easier to eat right; otherwise your quality of life is going to be shit.

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