15 Thing Friday

1. Mad Men was pretty “meh” on Sunday. Thankfully, Pete Campbell made it all okay. Just look at that stupid bastard.

No one will ever be whiter than Pete Campbell. So jaunty in his little sweater.

2. Margaery Tyrell ran the London Marathon for charity in the totally impressive time of three hours and fifty minutes. She would have been such a fabulous queen.


3. Yesterday, I was caught up in a mob of young ladies with red lipstick and hippie skirts and one of them said “she looked so deck in that dress.” What. What is that? Is that similar to one being decked out? Did she look slick like a boat deck?

4. “The Witches” was on HBO this week!! I remember watching that sometime around second grade and it scared the bejeezus out of me. I thought witches were real for a significant portion of my life. I would have been much more amenable to not talking in class if my teachers would have just told me they were witches.

5. Gone Girl.

I think Ben Affleck is perfect for Nick. He’s handsome, but he gives such great guilt face and is so perfect at being a dickhead.

6. I laugh so hard when Bardot passes gas and it is accompanied by an audible noise. She looks around so confused like “who was that!?!!?”


You. It was you, you stinky little vermin.

7. I never feel more smug than when someone gives me crap because I don’t party on weekdays (or really, any days) and I get to point out all of the times they missed work or came in feeling like death because they did.

8. I stood at the bus stop on campus yesterday next to someone in a bedazzled Snuggie, a crown, and Crocs covered in glitter.

9. I wrote a ten-page report on prerequisite patterns and inconsistencies across the course inventory. And I was really excited about it.

No one else was.

10. We have a softball team at work and I’m on it (I know, THE HORROR). I was pretty anxious about being the person who was the worst and knew the least about playing softball. Thankfully, I felt much better after one of my co-workers asked how many touchdowns we had mid-game.

I did manage to hit the ball…right into someone’s glove. But, I still made contact and that’s an A+ day for me.

11. This same coworker also did not know who Prince George is. How do you live in a world without that little sasspot??? I assume she lives in a very sad hole.

I don’t know how I’m going to survive without his fat little legs all over the news every day. I would gladly take imprisonment just to squeeze those chubby legs once. JUST ONCE.

12. PEEP SHOW 2014!!!! I’m surprised you didn’t have an entry, Paula.

“Everybody Peeps”

13. Enjoy those Reese’s Eggs this weekend. We are about to enter the terrible time when holiday-themed Reese’s don’t exist. Better stock up, kids.

We had an Easter egg hunt at work yesterday. I didn’t participate, but I ended up with about 30 different pieces of Reese’s candy from my coworkers who did. All the reward with none of the effort. Life happened right yesterday.

14. The new Finnish stamps commemorate the work of famed artist Touko Laaksonen.

Image courtesy of Itella

God, how I wish this could be a stamp in America. The Facebook wars alone would be cataclysmic. As usual, the Scandinavians are light years ahead of us in all ways. I’ll take a nice man booty on a stamp any day.

15. This needs to be a thing. Like right now immediately (I don’t care how redundant that statement is).




Filed under 15 Thing Friday


I’m not a screamer. Or a yeller. I would rather see someone I know and not get to talk to them over yelling their name in public. I get so embarrassed when I have to raise my voice.

On Tuesday I saw someone about my leg. I was pretty embarrassed about hobbling around work and explaining to people why I seemed so short all of a sudden (can’t wear heels when you can’t walk, people). He spent some time moving my legs around, poking various areas, and testing the levels of pain and discomfort as he did this. Then, he explained the problem:

Seriously, I understood none of the words. I wish at some point in college I had chosen anatomy and physiology classes over organic chemistry because I don’t think understanding the structural formula of tartaric acid has been as applicable in adulthood as I originally hoped. So, he dumbed it down for me and basically my hip was “jammed” and it was causing distress to the nerves and muscles running down my leg. To fix it, he placed a hand on my hip and one on my calf then yanked just like when you need to rip a Barbie leg off (because sometimes those bitches had to learn lessons the hard way). My doctor was young and nice looking, so I tried to keep it together and maintain my composure.


But, that’s not how I roll.

It really hurt at the time, but after some foam rolling and those little electric shock patches, my leg feels pretty damn good today and I can walk normally. Apparently, I just need to incorporate some more hip mobility exercises and stretches into my life (more being at least one since I currently do none) and everything should be fine. So hooray for not having a major problem or long-term damage.

My next set of screaming came last night.This week is student worker appreciation week in our office and each department has a day that they are in charge of. Our day is tomorrow and we are having an ice cream party with a “Thank You Dairy Much” theme (I came up with the theme and I think it’s amazing and I don’t care what anyone says). To bring this theme to fulfillment, I needed to get a large galvanized bucket (to hold the ice), cow balloons, and the food to campus. There’s no easy way to do this since I don’t have a parking pass and there’s no way I’m riding the bus with all that crap.

So, last night, I met someone downtown for an improv show and I thought I would just drop all that crap off at the office on my way there. I opened the doors to the building with my key,walked in, and went to our offices and dropped everything off. As I was carefully creeping back to the doors through several minutes of creepy darkness in an old building (it was like Hogwarts at night and not in a good way), a security guard leapt out from behind a stairwell and yelled “STOP.”

Screaming-GIF-6 dw9kyO0

I don’t know which of us were more freaked out, but he eventually pulled it together enough to tell me to “PLEASE STOP SCREAMING.” It scared me worse than I think I’ve ever been scared. I could not calm down. Normally, when scared I just suck air and freeze (I’m probably pretty easy to kill), but this was beyond a level of terror I’ve known in a while. I did learn a valuable lesson though, if I open that door with just a key, a silent alarm goes off.

I hope I learned. I’m just glad he scared me after I dropped off my stuff because I was have been beyond angry if I had let go of those balloons when he scared me. Here’s to a scream-free Thursday.


Filed under Uncategorized

WTF Wednesday

For the past month or so, I haven’t been sleeping well (with the exception of the weekend before last). This has been especially prevalent on weekdays which isn’t great since I need to be mostly alert at work.


In a moment of desperation, I took an Ambien last Tuesday night because I just really wanted to sleep for more than two hours at a time. Yesterday, I received a few unexpected items in the mail.


A FNL shirt, a waterproof camera, and a knee pillow to sleep with. Guess when I ordered it? At 2:14 a.m. in the wee hours of Wednesday morning. I was originally confused as to why on earth I would purchase these items, but I guess my subconscious is gearing up for a summer full of underwater inquiry, my back hurts, and TIM RIGGINS. Upon further thought, I realized that if someone image mapped my brain, a huge portion of it would look like this:

tumblr_lmqyq2e88I1qzxc1l32706_original  tumblr_mg0nwlMzsb1qg39ewo1_500 SeaQuest DSV / SeaQuest DSVtaylor-kitsch-600x450 tumblr_inline_mqyt72XfQ71r1w3fs  VCg1JQNtumblr_mnmuekw12f1spx9gdo1_500

I think I just really want to be a mermaid with Taylor Kitsch. Maybe I’ll start working on a series of mermaid romance novels with an environmentalist framework. The plight of the mermaid is real and dramatically romantic and Taylor’s hair would look glorious underwater.

I also learned this week that it’s hipster cool to like Billy Murray. Um, WTF? When was it not cool to like Bill Murray? Has he ever been out of style? He’s a national treasure.

I recently had the pleasure of learning that telling an employee older than you that they are under no circumstances allowed to talk about their sex life during work hours (regardless of where we are physically) is the most awkward and terrible conversation you can have. It’s dramatically worsened when you have to explain why it’s not okay.


I don’t know why everyone is making so much fun of poor Leo. Just let the man dance it out and relax. Sleeping with supermodels will exhaust and old fella’.

Those first six seconds are like looking in a mirror. Some people have moves and some us. . . don’t.


Filed under WTF Wednesday

Zoom Half Marathon: A Tale of Terrible

After roughly 1.5 hours of sleep, I woke up on Saturday morning at 4:30 for the Zooma Texas half marathon in Bastrop. I was really happy to be awake and lacing up.

I met my friend Maria (of the Mighty Endorphin Power Strangers) at the Austin airport to catch a shuttle out to the race site. We were both pretty anxious about the semantics of shuttling, so we got there at 5:45. At that time there weren’t any lines for the buses and we got to the resort roughly 20 minutes after boarding. The race was held at the Hyatt Regency Lost Pines which was beautiful even in the dark. The resort was gracious enough to let people hang out inside the conference center and use their very nice and clean bathrooms. We really appreciated it since we had over an hour to hang out before the start.

Just before 7:30 we sleepily ambled out to the start line and started running. It was really humid

and I was soaked in my own sweat before the first mile. Then, hills. HILLS HILLS HILLS.


It was like run up a hill, turn a corner, then keep running up the hill. It wasn’t the worst hill situation ever, but it was more than I wanted to deal with at the time. My legs felt pretty good during my 7-miler last Saturday, but that feeling was not replicated on Saturday. I was just fall-apart whiny bitchy city. I kept telling Maria to leave me and go on without me, but she wouldn’t listen. I was pretty worried that if she spent the next two hours with me then she wouldn’t want to be my friend anymore. The one bright spot in the first three miles was an unbelievably handsome police officer who was standing on the side of the road. We weren’t the only ones who noticed.


Somewhere around the fourth mile and fourteenth hill, my left leg started a revolt. First my knee started throbbing, then my hip hurt, then my shin and ankle, and finally, pain just started consistently traveling from my hip down to my toes.


I went from a “just finish this damn thing” mindset to “just amputate your leg and bleed out peacefully in the arms of Officer McHotty.” Every step was hurt. I have never really experienced pain like that during a race. My legs have hurt and felt tired or just plain shitty, but I haven’t really dealt with long periods of sharp pain. I didn’t enjoy it.


The majority of the course was on rural paved roads and there were plenty of water stops which came in really handy because I was sweating far more than I realized and was thirsty early on. The course was fine until the final 5k. The last three-ish miles were on a very pretty golf course, but it sucked winding back in forth for so many miles. I don’t really enjoy seeing how many more times I have to wind around the same area before I am finished. When it comes to running, ignorance is truly bliss when it comes to the distance left to travel. I don’t need to see it.

(artwork not to scale – those beige blobs are sand traps)

The other kind of depressing thing was that the resort is really beautiful and I was extremely bitter that I would not be spending a week there.

Hyatt-Lost-Pines-Wolfdancer-Golf-Club-courtesy-Hyatt-Lost-Pines-on-Facebook(obviously not my picture)

After a long and arduous run, we finally finished at 2:24:42 which will go down as one of my more dismal performances (which is saying a lot since they are largely dismal as a whole). So much walking and so much pain. My pace was all over the damn place.

PicMonkey Collage

I was pleasantly surprised to see that I finished right in the middle for my age group (I felt like I was more in the 118th place range) and then I was depressed because I realized that the next time I run my age bracket will start with a three.


Anyway, in case you already haven’t noticed, I was in a really shitty mood about the whole thing. The humidity sucked, my body sucked, hills suck, and I sucked.


After grabbing a bunch of bagels and water, we laid in the grass and listened to music for about an hour. That was nice.


The carbs and horizontal body positioning helped my mood and we eventually got a picture of us both looking happy. Maria always looks happy and cheerful, but I think she must have unicorn blood for breakfast or something.


On the way back to the bus, I did experience a few moments of joy because MINIATURE LIVESTOCK.


So cute. We hopped on the bus back to the airport and I was showered and on the couch by 1. I’m glad this is my last half until the fall because my body is pretty over running more than five miles at a time at this point. My leg still hurts and I have shooting pain from my hip down the back of my knee and to the outside of my ankle every time I take a step, so that’s been a good time. I normally drink about 100 ounces of water over the course of the work day and yesterday I drank almost nothing because the thought of walking to the restroom multiple times was too much to bear. I didn’t even get up when they sent out an email about cupcakes in the break room. DARK TIMES.

If it still hurts on Thursday, I think might go see someone about it because, unlike House, I’m not cool enough to pull off a limp.

PS: My feelings on Sunday night’s Game of Thrones:



Filed under Races, Running