Lena, close your mouth you fool.
Category Archives: WTF Wednesday
I spent the majority of the past few days at work proofreading indices for PDF copies of our university catalogs. At some point my mouse moved without my knowledge and when I looked up I was very confused to find that the pages were all in order in the list. I couldn’t understand how the words weren’t in alphabetical order, but suddenly the numbers were in numerical order. It took me so many minutes to realize I was somehow up in the table of contents. I had about lost my mind.
At least once a day I have to type “I’m an idiot” as either an apology or preface to some idiotic question. I say once a day, but it’s usually more like four times a day. If I’m lucky.
In other random news, I decided to give Anthropologie a chance last week because they had some cute dresses online. I found one that I absolutely loved in the store. It was a color I liked, I could wear it to work, it was the right style for my body shape, and it was at a mostly reasonable price. I tried on one size and while the waist fit, the arm holes were huge and the chest was way too small (that’s a first). So, I tried on the next size up. This time the chest area was huge, the waist seemed smaller, and the arm holes were Barbie-sized. I tried on that same dress again using two separate dresses in the same size hoping it was a one-time flaw in one of the first two dresses, but same story. IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE.
Anthropologie, I want to like you, I really do, but whoever is making your patterns needs to set the scotch down before cutting.
Also, this model is perfectly lovely and attractive, but can there please be one photo of her with her mouth closed. It’s driving me crazy and makes her look so derpy.
AND, she’s on Piperlime now! Taking it far it and wide. Good for her working that open mouth.
Finally, Bryan Cranston was in Baywatch. I don’t even know what to think right now. I loved Baywatch and now I love him even more. Start at minute 30:
That man barely ages. What is this dark magic!
At work, we have monthly appreciation parties and this month’s theme is a luau. On this one day, the emperor of us has agreed that shorts may be worn in the office as part of an appropriate Hawaii-themed outfit. My co-worker excitedly shared that she had just the perfect pair of “formal shorts” for the occasion. Then, she proceeded to call them “shor-mals.” This is why we can’t have nice things. There is no such thing as formal shorts (shorts are automatic casual attire by their very nature and I don’t care what you say) and there will certainly be no wearing of “shor-mals.”
I live to crush the dreams of my staff.
During the course of a conversation someone asked if John Hancock had signed the Declaration of Independence or the Constitution. Before anyone could answer, someone else piped up and said that they are the same thing.
If this were a person from another country, then I could totally understand the confusion. But this person was born and raised in the United States. You may not like history, but as a graduate of any junior high in America, you should at least walk away knowing that they are two separate pieces of paper. I try to give most people a break on history because a lot of people are genuinely not into it at all, but this is not acceptable.
I have a friend who reads much of the same stuff I read. We frequently excitedly chat about what we have read and we are always on the same page about our thoughts and feelings about what those things. But, yesterday, he told me he absolutely hated a book that I had just confessed to loving more than chocolate cake donuts. I don’t know where we go from here.
Last week, I went to happy hour with some legitimately intellectual people this week and one of them said the following statement: “it contains many exegetical deviations from the original text.” That statement was followed by a deconstruction of Vedic poetry.
So, I guzzled my drink and excused myself for a refill. I contribute nothing to this world.
I yawned during an afternoon meeting and someone told me I should stop eating so many carbs at lunch.
As part of my effort to interact with society in a non-hateful way, I made my way back to the gym on Monday night. While running on the treadmill, I watched Family Feud. I was so confused by one of the categories. The question was something along the lines of catching your man cheating and what do you flush down the toilet.
Besides your dignity, WTF do people flush down the toilet in this situation?? Is this a thing? What does that even accomplish other than making you look like a crazy person? My second problem came with the most popular answers: jewelry, wallet, and remote control. REMOTE CONTROL?? That isn’t even flushable!! Neither is a wallet. Those items are too large. What kind of super toilet do you have? Maybe the point is to ruin his toilet? And what is the point of flushing the remote??? You sure showed him, now he will have walk 10 feet to turn the TV on. He sure is going to regret being a douchebag now!
I honestly don’t understand. Besides the basic physics preventing you from flushing those two items, why would you waste your time? I don’t know if this is something to be justifiably outraged about, but I am. At least I wasn’t crying.
Going to the gym was harder than I thought. I just feel tired and all I want to do is go home and eat cookies and watch reality TV. I feel like most of energy is spent trying to be somewhat pleasant at work. Those poor people are stuck with me for nine hours a day, so the least I can do is muster a smile and be mildly tolerable.
This week has been better. I know we are all supposed to work on healing and feeling better and all that jazz, but frankly I don’t want to. I don’t want to feel better because I feel like that means I’ve accepted what has happened and I’m okay with it. I’m not okay with it and I don’t want to accept it and I’m pissed. Still. I don’t want to wake up each day and remember that she is gone and tell myself I need to find ways to be happy. I don’t want to accept that Jenifer lost her little sister and Greg lost his wife and two people lost a daughter and the rest of us lost a friend. I don’t want to be happy. It’s not guilt so much as three weeks later I’m not okay with it being okay. I don’t know what I am trying to say (as usual), but damn it I’m still mad.
Tomorrow I’m going to talk about books.