Category Archives: WTF Wednesday

WTF Wednesday

Last week, I was zipping up my favorite pair of work trousers when the zipper broke off completely.

I was on my way to a meeting when it happened and had about three more after, so it was a while before I could find a safety pin.

Then, on Thursday at about 7:57 in the AM, I discovered a massive hole in the seam along the crotch of a completely different pair of pants.

The dry cleaners are out to destroy me.

PicMonkey Collage

I’m not just made of pants. I sewed up the second pair, but replacing a zipper is a bit of a pain in the ass.

 

For some reason, when I can’t sleep my stomach feels like death the next day. I could not fall asleep to save my life on Sunday night, so between the Easter eating and that, Monday was rough. I finally ate something around 4 and my coworker was surprised that I was just then eating for the first time that day. I said “Well, you know when you overdo it eating and the next day you feel kind of awful?” and he said, “Nope.” I thought he was joking at first, but then he told me that he really has no idea what I’m talking about and he never feels badly after eating because he just stops when he’s full.

I don’t even know what to think about this. He must be an alien.

I also had to pick where we were going to go for our monthly department lunch. I picked a place nearby which everyone immediately deemed as uncool and “so over.”

I don’t understand why they don’t get this.

Every time I hear kids on the bus talking about how they cannot wait to graduate and be finished with college:

Enjoy it you fools!!!

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WTF Wednesday

For the past month or so, I haven’t been sleeping well (with the exception of the weekend before last). This has been especially prevalent on weekdays which isn’t great since I need to be mostly alert at work.

Boy-meets-world-sleep

In a moment of desperation, I took an Ambien last Tuesday night because I just really wanted to sleep for more than two hours at a time. Yesterday, I received a few unexpected items in the mail.

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A FNL shirt, a waterproof camera, and a knee pillow to sleep with. Guess when I ordered it? At 2:14 a.m. in the wee hours of Wednesday morning. I was originally confused as to why on earth I would purchase these items, but I guess my subconscious is gearing up for a summer full of underwater inquiry, my back hurts, and TIM RIGGINS. Upon further thought, I realized that if someone image mapped my brain, a huge portion of it would look like this:

tumblr_lmqyq2e88I1qzxc1l32706_original  tumblr_mg0nwlMzsb1qg39ewo1_500 SeaQuest DSV / SeaQuest DSVtaylor-kitsch-600x450 tumblr_inline_mqyt72XfQ71r1w3fs  VCg1JQNtumblr_mnmuekw12f1spx9gdo1_500

I think I just really want to be a mermaid with Taylor Kitsch. Maybe I’ll start working on a series of mermaid romance novels with an environmentalist framework. The plight of the mermaid is real and dramatically romantic and Taylor’s hair would look glorious underwater.

I also learned this week that it’s hipster cool to like Billy Murray. Um, WTF? When was it not cool to like Bill Murray? Has he ever been out of style? He’s a national treasure.

I recently had the pleasure of learning that telling an employee older than you that they are under no circumstances allowed to talk about their sex life during work hours (regardless of where we are physically) is the most awkward and terrible conversation you can have. It’s dramatically worsened when you have to explain why it’s not okay.

IT”S NOT OKAY. EVER. UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.

I don’t know why everyone is making so much fun of poor Leo. Just let the man dance it out and relax. Sleeping with supermodels will exhaust and old fella’.

Those first six seconds are like looking in a mirror. Some people have moves and some us. . . don’t.

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WTF Wednesday

I sent an email yesterday and after rereading it three times for mistakes, I realized a millisecond after I hit send that it said “Hi Army” instead of “Hi Amy.”

Rob Lowe continues to fight the prejudice that good looking people experience.  Must be turrible to be the socially normative form of attractive.

I don’t get it with these famous people and all of their whining. How much money and success have you had just because you’re good looking? Get a grip.

Someone in our office ate sauerkraut at their desk on Monday. Then, they threw it in their trash and didn’t set it out to be emptied overnight. The stench is unreal.

I just watched Frozen for the first time this weekend and I don’t know WTF took me so long. OLAF FOREVER.

Also, this hit too close to home:

Just me and my cat foreverrrrrr (I left out Bardot because she’s old and rude).

I was holding my friend’s baby on Monday and she kept making this little whimpering/humming noises over and over as she slept. I asked if babies do that in the womb too and my friend replied that she didn’t know because their lungs are filled with amniotic fluid. I replied that mermaids can talk underwater, so why can’t a baby hum. Her response: “Yeah.”

I got a nice giggle in at her expense. She later argued that her reasoning was that Ariel totally talks underwater, so I guess she’s technically got me on that one.

Also, Katie Holmes, please fire whoever helps you get dressed because WTF.

404 khIt’s too much. It’s all just too much.

Four out of the five living presidents are in town this week for the Civil Rights Summit to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the Civil Rights Act. One of those president’s got some Salt Lick BBQ.

Lucky. The tickets to the summit were gone in less than a minute and by some miracle I managed to get two, but I gave them to one of my staff members who is a Jimmy Carter enthusiast. Sometimes I’m a nice person. Sometimes.

Good Deeds: 1
Evil Deeds: incalculable

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WTF Wednesday

I wrote most of this at lunch yesterday and hit “publish” instead of “save” because my brain hates me. So, here it is again because I’m far too lazy to write something different.

So that we could all find each other at the faire on Saturday, my friend had me download this app called “Find Friends” on Friday. I downloaded it and accepted his request without paying much attention to what it actually was. All was fine until he sent me a text asking me what I was eating at Clay Pit for lunch.

That thing is the creepiest app I’ve ever seen. Outside of trying to find people in a very specific setting, I don’t understand why anyone needs to know where you are at all times. I need nobody to know where I am ever because I’m doing important and special things. And apparently it can just be connected to all your contacts so everyone can see you. I’m a few years behind the times on this, but WTF!

Last Friday, I met my sister and my friend Doug for dinner at Hopdoddy. As I scanned the menu, the word “BRIE” caught my attention and I decided I needed that burger. I never read the rest of the ingredients or made a connection with the name. Look at how happy I am in my ignorance.

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Two bites in, I was crying and my mouth was on fire thanks to a huge pile of Serrano peppers. I have about a two on a ten-point heat tolerance scale, so it was a bit much. Apparently, “El Diablo” doesn’t just mean “gooey cheese burger.” One large cup of ice cream later, I left that burger behind. That’s a first.

I had the pleasure of sitting behind two college students on my bus ride home Monday. I couldn’t understand what the female said most of the time because this was an exact sentence she said: “Like it’s like I like to like go to like live shows like you know?”

WHAT IS THAT LANGUAGE!!!!!

Later their conversation steered towards their goals. The male said that he was really sick of school and people telling him what to do and that he is really looking forward to the challenge of getting a job which won’t be hard because he will have a have a degree from UT and is “really amazing as a person.” He also looks forward to it as a chance to get to know himself and to go through a bit of a struggle in his life. “But only for, like, a month.” Furthermore, in five years he’s totally going to be in management and probably “a little bit famous” because he can “feel it.” Okay.

There’s so many incredible students who are intelligent and hard working and are going to be great contributors to our society, then there’s the other ones who I really worry about.

My hair is apparently the same color as our cabinets. Awesome.

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It’s just the lighting. It’s just the lighting.

I have March Madness (I have been seriously displeased with this month), but I don’t give a shit about basketball or people talking about basketball.

VNvglrAPretty much.

I do not accept the conclusions on the missing plane.

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