Category Archives: WTF Wednesday

WTF Wednesday

For the past month or so, I haven’t been sleeping well (with the exception of the weekend before last). This has been especially prevalent on weekdays which isn’t great since I need to be mostly alert at work.

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In a moment of desperation, I took an Ambien last Tuesday night because I just really wanted to sleep for more than two hours at a time. Yesterday, I received a few unexpected items in the mail.

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A FNL shirt, a waterproof camera, and a knee pillow to sleep with. Guess when I ordered it? At 2:14 a.m. in the wee hours of Wednesday morning. I was originally confused as to why on earth I would purchase these items, but I guess my subconscious is gearing up for a summer full of underwater inquiry, my back hurts, and TIM RIGGINS. Upon further thought, I realized that if someone image mapped my brain, a huge portion of it would look like this:

tumblr_lmqyq2e88I1qzxc1l32706_original  tumblr_mg0nwlMzsb1qg39ewo1_500 SeaQuest DSV / SeaQuest DSVtaylor-kitsch-600x450 tumblr_inline_mqyt72XfQ71r1w3fs  VCg1JQNtumblr_mnmuekw12f1spx9gdo1_500

I think I just really want to be a mermaid with Taylor Kitsch. Maybe I’ll start working on a series of mermaid romance novels with an environmentalist framework. The plight of the mermaid is real and dramatically romantic and Taylor’s hair would look glorious underwater.

I also learned this week that it’s hipster cool to like Billy Murray. Um, WTF? When was it not cool to like Bill Murray? Has he ever been out of style? He’s a national treasure.

I recently had the pleasure of learning that telling an employee older than you that they are under no circumstances allowed to talk about their sex life during work hours (regardless of where we are physically) is the most awkward and terrible conversation you can have. It’s dramatically worsened when you have to explain why it’s not okay.

IT”S NOT OKAY. EVER. UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.

I don’t know why everyone is making so much fun of poor Leo. Just let the man dance it out and relax. Sleeping with supermodels will exhaust and old fella’.

Those first six seconds are like looking in a mirror. Some people have moves and some us. . . don’t.

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WTF Wednesday

I sent an email yesterday and after rereading it three times for mistakes, I realized a millisecond after I hit send that it said “Hi Army” instead of “Hi Amy.”

Rob Lowe continues to fight the prejudice that good looking people experience.  Must be turrible to be the socially normative form of attractive.

I don’t get it with these famous people and all of their whining. How much money and success have you had just because you’re good looking? Get a grip.

Someone in our office ate sauerkraut at their desk on Monday. Then, they threw it in their trash and didn’t set it out to be emptied overnight. The stench is unreal.

I just watched Frozen for the first time this weekend and I don’t know WTF took me so long. OLAF FOREVER.

Also, this hit too close to home:

Just me and my cat foreverrrrrr (I left out Bardot because she’s old and rude).

I was holding my friend’s baby on Monday and she kept making this little whimpering/humming noises over and over as she slept. I asked if babies do that in the womb too and my friend replied that she didn’t know because their lungs are filled with amniotic fluid. I replied that mermaids can talk underwater, so why can’t a baby hum. Her response: “Yeah.”

I got a nice giggle in at her expense. She later argued that her reasoning was that Ariel totally talks underwater, so I guess she’s technically got me on that one.

Also, Katie Holmes, please fire whoever helps you get dressed because WTF.

404 khIt’s too much. It’s all just too much.

Four out of the five living presidents are in town this week for the Civil Rights Summit to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the Civil Rights Act. One of those president’s got some Salt Lick BBQ.

Lucky. The tickets to the summit were gone in less than a minute and by some miracle I managed to get two, but I gave them to one of my staff members who is a Jimmy Carter enthusiast. Sometimes I’m a nice person. Sometimes.

Good Deeds: 1
Evil Deeds: incalculable

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WTF Wednesday

I wrote most of this at lunch yesterday and hit “publish” instead of “save” because my brain hates me. So, here it is again because I’m far too lazy to write something different.

So that we could all find each other at the faire on Saturday, my friend had me download this app called “Find Friends” on Friday. I downloaded it and accepted his request without paying much attention to what it actually was. All was fine until he sent me a text asking me what I was eating at Clay Pit for lunch.

That thing is the creepiest app I’ve ever seen. Outside of trying to find people in a very specific setting, I don’t understand why anyone needs to know where you are at all times. I need nobody to know where I am ever because I’m doing important and special things. And apparently it can just be connected to all your contacts so everyone can see you. I’m a few years behind the times on this, but WTF!

Last Friday, I met my sister and my friend Doug for dinner at Hopdoddy. As I scanned the menu, the word “BRIE” caught my attention and I decided I needed that burger. I never read the rest of the ingredients or made a connection with the name. Look at how happy I am in my ignorance.

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Two bites in, I was crying and my mouth was on fire thanks to a huge pile of Serrano peppers. I have about a two on a ten-point heat tolerance scale, so it was a bit much. Apparently, “El Diablo” doesn’t just mean “gooey cheese burger.” One large cup of ice cream later, I left that burger behind. That’s a first.

I had the pleasure of sitting behind two college students on my bus ride home Monday. I couldn’t understand what the female said most of the time because this was an exact sentence she said: “Like it’s like I like to like go to like live shows like you know?”

WHAT IS THAT LANGUAGE!!!!!

Later their conversation steered towards their goals. The male said that he was really sick of school and people telling him what to do and that he is really looking forward to the challenge of getting a job which won’t be hard because he will have a have a degree from UT and is “really amazing as a person.” He also looks forward to it as a chance to get to know himself and to go through a bit of a struggle in his life. “But only for, like, a month.” Furthermore, in five years he’s totally going to be in management and probably “a little bit famous” because he can “feel it.” Okay.

There’s so many incredible students who are intelligent and hard working and are going to be great contributors to our society, then there’s the other ones who I really worry about.

My hair is apparently the same color as our cabinets. Awesome.

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It’s just the lighting. It’s just the lighting.

I have March Madness (I have been seriously displeased with this month), but I don’t give a shit about basketball or people talking about basketball.

VNvglrAPretty much.

I do not accept the conclusions on the missing plane.

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WTF Wednesday

In a vote to join Russia or join Russia, the Crimea voted to join Russia. Putin stole the Crimea!!

Doge gives me much wow.

THE PLANE IS STILL MISSING and I’m not allowed to talk about it at work anymore. Well, at least when my boss is in her office and has to hear us manically hypothesizing. We are allowed to discuss it with her again for approximately four minutes when the plane is recovered. This would be a great time for a Sherlock Holmes-type-person to show up.

Bless her heart, but Katy Perry is dumb. I always hoped maybe it was an act, but apparently not. When asked about if she was a feminist she responded:

“A feminist? Uh, yeah, actually,” she said. “I used to not really understand what that word meant, and now that I do, it just means that I love myself as a female and I also love men.”

I don’t even know what that means other than I guess gay women can’t be a feminist now? And what if I just love myself as a person and not specifically because of my sex? Good grief. The Huffington Post has a great chart that she should check out.  It makes it really easy to figure out this whole tricky feminist thing.

feminist

Agreed. I just can’t really wrap my mind around someone thinking they don’t deserve equal pay for equal work, the same advancement opportunities, and the same rights as someone doing the same job as them because they are a woman. Does not compute.

Finally, last week this happened again:

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I don’t like confrontation at all and I will do anything to avoid it. Last time someone blocked me in, I went into the store and asked whoever it was to please come move their car because the other spaces were now open. A lady turned around and said “I am eating my damn cupcake and will move my car when I am done.” Then the other dude that was blocked in came in and they got into it and he told her “get off your ass and move your car” and she did. I was fully prepared to just go back and sit in my car and wait. I am not willing to ever argue with anyone in public.

So, slightly scarred from that experience, I just sat in my car and waited for this guy to come out of McDonald’s. Twenty-ish minutes later he did and I was very happy at the thought of my coming release from parking prison. Well, happy until he just sat in his car and proceeded to eat without moving. I did actually have errands that I needed to run to places that weren’t going to be open much longer, so I politely tapped on his window and asked if he could please pull forward some so I could back out. I couldn’t understand all of his words because he had a mouth full of burger, but somehow my tapping on his window meant that I was a “crazy bitch.”

I calmly told him he was correct and that is why it was in his best interest to go ahead and move his truck with haste. And he did. I don’t really know where the compass that guides human decency goes awry and you think it’s okay to block about 7 cars in, but I’m pretty tired of it. I think I’m going to install a battering device on the back of my Jeep and just force my way out of there. It worked for the Vikings and it will work for me.

Speaking of Vikings WTF is going on with Lagertha!!! I do not like this new world at all. AT ALL. This situation really pisses me off.

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