Category Archives: Amazing Feats

Twenty-Nine, Good to See You Again

As the title indicates, I turned 29 again on Saturday. People kept telling me I was actually 30, but they don’t know what they are talking about.

This post is very long but I don’t care because I don’t care. Anyway, my second twenty-ninth birthday kicked off on Friday at work with some lovely gifts and treats, and a perfect card from my only staff member who will get a raise this year.

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She gets it. I also received a pair of Super Genie Microfiber Cleaning Slippers (so practical! Just like Pippi Longstocking’s!) and a few balloons.

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I never realized how much I wiggle and scoot around until every movement was greeted by the sound of a hundred balloons shifting about. Also there were cookies. I love cookies and I love my co-workers.

On Saturday my parents came to town to hang out and that night we headed to Top Golf for my birthday party that my wonderfully kind friends organized. It was a hell of a good time. It was one of the best birthdays I’ve ever had. Unsurprisingly, we got started with a little bit of golf.

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And then we had a wonderful dinner. Like the Kimye wedding, it was a feast for “the most remarkable people of our time.” If someone can consider Kardashians remarkable in any way that isn’t “remarkably ridiculous,” then this crew certainly qualifies.

PicMonkey Collage10TATOR TOTS. Also, there was craft beer queso which tasted like heaven on those tots. I couldn’t get enough of them.

download6Seriously, so many tots were consumed. Post-tots, I got a birthday surprise. Nope, not Taylor Kitsch, but close.

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Every lady needs a big ol’ balloon hat. Then, it was time for the most important part of any party. CAKE TIME!

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Donut cake!!! All my favorite things. I was a good birthday girl and helped feed my poor pregnant friend. Gotta get that baby those extra calories.. I also didn’t even mind that the cake was in the shape of those inaccurate numbers. We also had a billion delicious mini bundt cakes and cupcakes that I will continue enjoying for several days more. It was quite the delicious birthday. Then, we took a million more pictures together because duh.

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And then my dad decided he wanted to be in the photo too.

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We didn’t even know he was back there. Such a sneaky man. As our golfing rounds ended, it was time for the most awkward part of all birthdays: opening gifts while everyone stares. I received several wonderful bottles of wine, chocolates, membership to the most important society on earth, and a grumpy cat shirt because I’m grumpy.

PicMonkey Collage3Then, my sister gave me the most shocking gift I’ve ever received.

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BRITNEY BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I still can’t believe it. We probably won’t go until after Christmas, but I don’t even care because I’m so excited. After Top Golf, we went to Pinthouse Pizza and enjoyed a little bit more beer. Just a little bit. The most exciting part was that I finally got to have one of the Brewery Ommegang Game of Thrones beers, Fire and Blood. It was tasty.

photo 2I will go back there as soon as I can.

It was a perfect birthday and I couldn’t ask for anything more. I feel very lucky and I’m so grateful for such wonderful friends and family.

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Filed under Amazing Feats, Austin, Beer

Killer Cupcakes

Yesterday, I had to wear a skirt to work.

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I had to wear a skirt because all of my pants are tailored for heels. I couldn’t wear heels yesterday because I had to wear flats.

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I had to wear those flats specifically because they were the only ones I could walk in. I can’t walk properly because of this:

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I’m sorry you had to see my foot. I really am, but it’s important. That showed up after about ten minutes of thrashing around on the floor completely hysterical with pain.

I was on the floor crying because my big toe was crushed by the contents of a single shelf in the pantry.

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Specifically, my toe was crushed by a glass jar full of honey and a can of apple pie filling. Apple pie filling is quite heavy. Those pantry items were on the floor because I needed the container for these:

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I had to make those for the child who works for me who turned 25 this weekend. Damn cupcakes! YOU DID THIS!!! My toe feels like it’s bruised all the way through. I actually expected to pick the can up and see that my toe was completely flattened on the ground. I’m still impressed with how painful it was. I can’t put any pressure on my toe because it makes my entire leg crumble, but I did manage to get in a hearty arm workout in at the gym last night. So, there’s that at least. You just never know how much you need that big toe until it’s out of commission.

This is a stupid story, but I don’t even care because my toe still hurts so damn bad I can barely focus enough to type. I paid a man $45 to drill a hole in it last night. That didn’t feel good. Not at all.

When things get too dark, I try to remember that at least I’m not Sandra Bullock trying to swim in that damn astronaut suit in Gravity. Shit could be so much worse. But, seriously, smashed toes are craptastic.

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A League of Our Own

Y’ALL! The craziest thing happened. I still can’t believe it. As I mentioned before, I’m playing on the softball team for work. And, as  you probably know by now, I suck at sports. So, I spend the majority of the game praying that the ball doesn’t get hit in my direction and if the ball does come toward me that it doesn’t actually hit me. Also, many prayers that I don’t fall down when batting. Between the sand, the awkwardness of swinging a bat while kind of ducking because I’m a grown woman who is terrified of the ball (IT’S FLYING AT MY FACE!), and just me being me, I know it’s coming. It’s a full hour of fear and anxiety.

21 Reasons Why "A League Of Their Own" Deserves A Lot More Love

Just a big ol’ ball of nerves. I get so anxious that I can’t even pull it together to make fun of my coworker who runs like she’s a fancy trotting horse:

I didn’t get to make any jokes about being a dandy or losing her tophat.

Anyway, I spend a lot of time worrying about all the ways I can totally and completely fail the team. I’m not the worst player, but I’m definitely on that side of the bell curve. So, on Tuesday night, I went up to bat. All strikes. No points. Pure failure.

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And our coach is just the nicest guy. He’s so positive and encouraging it’s ridiculous. I can’t even deal with his cheerfulness sometimes. You don’t need to tell me good job when a ball gets hit past me (far into left field) and the shortstop outruns and beats me to it. When I started running, he was about at least 30 yards behind me. That’s embarrassing. You can tell me it was bad.

21 Reasons Why "A League Of Their Own" Deserves A Lot More Love

During our last time to bat, I was up. The bases were loaded and we had two outs. First ball. Strike. Second ball. Foul. Third ball.

I hit it!! All the way past the center fielder. IT WAS A MIRACLE! I made it all the way to third base before they got the ball back and all the other runners scored points (<- I feel like that might not be the right term).

We lost the game by two points, but I don’t even care. This was my greatest athletic achievement. I have now reached the pinnacle of my athletic career. It’s all downhill from here. I hope people don’t expect anything more from me for the rest of the season.

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Vodka is a Hobby

My former roommate and running buddy, Caroline, is getting hitched in a few short weeks. To celebrate this momentous occasion, we had her bachelorette party in Port Aransas this past weekend. On Friday night,we started things off right with dinner at the Port Aransas Brewing Company.

Just in case you weren’t sure what cold beer and piping hot, cheesy pizza looked like.

After properly fueling, we hit a bar that had two other people in it. Both over 60.

But, that was fine, because we were pretty exhausted from the drive and couldn’t be bothered to change clothes or fix our hair. So, pretty normal night. Thankfully, we didn’t stay out too late and managed to get plenty of sleep in preparation for the drinking juggernaut that was Saturday.

We got the day started with some breakfast and the beach (PS: Thanks for leaving me that rum, Maggie. Life changed.).

Had to go with Sprite Zero since I am obviously very concerned about calorie intake. We weren’t at the beach too long because it was terribly windy and the waves kept trying to drown us. Luckily, we still managed to all get nicely seared on our backsides. Nothing like a healthy layer of skin cancer to get the weekend started. I think I’m going to start wearing a burqa when I go outside because I can’t reapply sunscreen enough to keep my flesh from burning.

After the beach, we napped. Day drinking + napping = insurmountable lethargy. It took us a very long time to get moving again. After much dragging about, we finally made it to dinner around 9 pm.

I’m relatively sure I had fried shrimp and I believe they were tasty.   We were advised the previous night to head to Bernie’s Beach House if we wanted to have a good time, so it was really convenient to find that it was right across the street from the restaurant.

It was madness. I cannot imagine what it’s like during the summer since it was so cram-packed during the off-season. Despite the unrelenting sweat and humanity, we had the best time. Even me, Grumpy McHatespeopleson

The best part were the random fog machines that would blast out air with such force that it almost knocked us over. The more we drank, the less able we were to prepare for them. The aftermath:

Then we made terrible faces and drank tiny vials of liquor:

So pretty.

I’m pretty sure Caroline had a great time, although I’m not sure she remembers it.

That guy was way too willing to strip for her. It’s not really a bachelorette party without some bare flesh I suppose. We also found Cornholio.

He knows what women want. Then there was this gentleman who had some super sassy dance moves.

He worked it hard. All night. I’m gonna have to add that move to the repertoire.

We lost Laura for a while, but that’s not really surprising.

Bye, friend. After a long search, we eventually found her. Had to keep an eye on her after that.

We stayed until close and crashed into our beds sometime around 3 am. I’m sunburned, exhausted, there’s sand in everything I own, I’m hoarse from screaming along to “Wrecking Ball” in the bar, and I’m pretty sure there is still vodka coursing through my veins, but it was a blast.

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Filed under Amazing Feats, booze, Inspiration