This Is A Long Post Filled with Crazy

I had a full-blown OMG I’m having a heart attack and I’m going to die panic attack last night. Sheer terror. I’m leaving the country in 11 days. ELEVEN. I don’t even know how it snuck up on me. How am I going to India? I keep waiting for someone to pop out and tell me this was all a really mean joke. It just seems so bizarre that two weeks from today I will eating dinner on the other side of the world. It’s just so very much unlike me to do something so exciting, I’m just having a little bit of a meltdown.

How am I going to cope without several hours of absolute silence each night? What if  I don’t have time to read? What if I have a manic episode because I’m not running and can’t channel the crazy? How will I survive socializing and talking to strangers from morning to night? What if I run out of toilet paper? What if I gain 30 pounds and none of my clothes fit when I get back? What if I accidentally forget to use bottled water to brush my teeth? What if break my foot? How will I get around? What if people hate me? What if I screw up with the voltage and I burn someone’s house down with my hair dryer?  What if they think I’m a terrorist for doing that? What if I come back and my boss realizes that a cockroach could do my job? And not even a highly trained ninja cockroach, just a regular dumb one? What if I get malaria? What if I have kids one day and I give them malaria, what will happen to them??? What does malaria do to babies!!!!!!!!! What would I do if I actually had real problems to deal with?

On top of general concern regarding possible unemployment and my eventual death via shame in my parent’s basement, I am freaking out because we will not have an agenda until after we arrive. In case you haven’t noticed, I tend to be a little bit on the high-strung side. If you were around when I went to Alaska, then you already know that having a plan is very very important to my mental stability. I’m a rigidly organized person and my well-being hinges on very precise and careful time management. Coping with the reality that I do not have any sort of agenda and I will likely from day to day have no idea what I will be doing is completely freaking me out. It also makes me kind of sad, like why can’t I just relax and enjoy it?

I don’t really have a choice, but OMFG, how do you just show up somewhere and trust that other people have planned everything appropriately. I hate giving up control and relying on other people (although I know I sound like a total asshole, I’m sure everything will be fine and they have planned our trip fantastically. I’m just crazy).

I am really excited though and I know that once I get my ass on the plane that everything will be fine. It’s just those days between now and then that worry me. I really would love to spend a day as someone with a Type B personality. I mean, what’s it like to not be a tightly-wound nut case all the time? Is it as wonderful as it seems? How do you get things done without lists? Is it true that the world will not end if you are late? Tell me your secrets!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh well. Speaking of crazy people, my mom has been a bit on edge about my trip. I do think she is doing better now that I’ve taught her how to Skype. We practiced multiple times on her new iPad over the break and I think they (my parents)  mostly have the hang of it now. We will have more practice sessions over the next week, but I think they felt pretty high tech when they could actually hear and see me at the same time.

In good news, I got all of my immunizations covered by my insurance. I only had to call about 16 clinics across Texas before I found one that accepts my insurance (as filing a claim would result in it not being paid due to the clinic being out-of-netwok). So that saved me about $200o.

Here’s a little tip, try to find a travel clinic in a hospital as they are more likely to accept insurance. I went to the Travel Clinic in the Austin Diagnostic Center and they were fantastic. They were super helpful and spent about two hours answering my questions and giving me information. They were also very nice when I called and changed my appointments about 15 times.

Anyway, that’s what is on my mind today. I’m just going to try to work a whole lot in the next week to try and stay distracted. And yes, I realize that this all completely silly because I’m going on a majorly awesome trip, but you just can’t squash crazy because you want to.


Filed under India

57 Responses to This Is A Long Post Filled with Crazy

  1. Justin

    You think you’re panicking? I just realized my girlfriend will be gone for a month …in India. I don’t even know how I’m gonna sleep. Aammmbbbieeeen here we gooo! I’m sure you’ll be fine, and you’ll have a blast. Just don’t leave me for some Indian prince named Aladdin .

    • Reese's Runner

      Aladdin was Arabian silly.

      • Justin

        Either way… don’t do it. By the way I have been singing a whole new world while making pancakes. You should be here to sing jasmine’s parts.

        • Sonja

          I will sing with you. I am basically a professional. Perhaps I can teach you a thing or two ;)

        • Reese's Runner

          I think you mean I should be there “ruining” Jasmine’s parts.

          • Justin

            You’re silly Sonja. I don’t know if you know this but……..I have a degree in music. So….. you probably can’t teach me anything. Cely you can ruin any song with me. ;)

          • Reese's Runner

            No one knows you have that degree because you totally don’t mention it frequently. Also, I’m afraid you will cry and go deaf if you hear me sing. Or laugh until I melt into a puddle of singing shame.

          • Sonja

            I have a degree in psychology… if we’re gonna be just throwin’ around our knowledge left and right. The psychology things I know are FAR more useful than your music things ;) Now, I may not be AS successful with my degree as you are with yours, but I feel like we probably went to the same amount of classes to get them :) So we are basically equals.

          • Justin

            Oh Sonja…You should KIK me because I have so many damn things to say right now, but I can’t here. Shiz is CRAAAAZY right meow

  2. Katie

    it’s going to be such a fun trip though I’m sure you’ll forget about all your worries when you get there and don’t get malaria! also… where is tiny bardot going while you are away? who will she scowl at daily?

    • Reese's Runner

      She is staying with a friend in town who also has a small dog (who I’m sure she will be giving ample bitchiness to).

  3. I feel dumb for not offering advice re: immunizations. Next time you have insurance/rx questions let me know and I can hopefully help out. It’s what I do all day. (Eight years of school = I can now speak ‘insurance company’. Yeah.)

  4. If you have to have something to focus on, try planning your packing, your plane time, etc. Then you won’t worry so much about the schedule when you get there.

    The Kidless Kronicles

    • Reese's Runner

      Yeah… I’m already 99% packed and I have my plane activity bag ready to go. I’ve spent weeks carefully selecting reading material. Maybe I can just dump it out and endlessly rearrange it all?

  5. Why aren’t you worried about getting kidnapped and sold into white slavery? I would think that should make your list.

  6. Alisa

    “How do you get things done without lists? Is it true that the world will not end if you are late? Tell me your secrets!!!!!!!!!!!!”

    It’s like you read my thoughts!

  7. Michelle

    Ha. I’d be the exact same way (Type A ftw!). In fact I felt anxiety reading this. (Also I read it in a panicked voice in my head.) but these peeps organize these trips for a living! Things will be amazing and you will probably love it and never come back and your Monday men will start being Bollywood stars. :)

  8. Aunt Kel

    You’re gonna tell me I’m not a nice person again, but I’m one of those Type B (or C? Or D??) people who can sit back & say “Eh, whatever happens, happens”. Drives my BF nuts. He’s a total Type A control freak. Enjoy your trip – can’t wait to see pics!!

  9. I’m going through a similar freakout right now. Tomorrow I fly to Peru where I’ll be living for the next 5 months. I don’t know anyone, I barely speak the language (will be taking lessons), and I have a stress fracture in my foot so I have to wear an aircast which I’m convinced is going to make me a target for muggers. Oh, and I still have to pack. I’m like this before all of my trips, so it is a fairly normal state of mind for me.
    Once you get there you’ll be fine. Just make sure you only drink bottled water, take some toilet paper with you just in case, and accept that you’re likely to be stared at a lot.
    Have fun!

    • Reese's Runner

      Well now I feel even more ridiculous, you have some legit worries. FIVE MONTHS!! What are you going to do there? From your blog it appears you are just being a badass and going to travel and learn the language???

      • More like I’m slightly crazy rather than bad ass! Left my job, decided I wanted to live in another country, and learn a language. I will be volunteering for a few months with an organization that works with young people so I guess I can add superhero-wannabe to the list. And I’m planning to eat a lot of delicious food. Always important to travel to places that have good food.

        • Reese's Runner

          That is so awesome!!!! I really hope to spend a lot of time with kids on my trip as well. Well good luck and I’ll be quietly stalking you!

  10. Neha

    As a type A person myself, I completely understand how you feel about the no plans. A few words of (hopefully) comfort I can offer you is that the group you’re going with has done this before! Well at least, one or two of them have and will know the ropes. The local families you’ll be staying with will be even more paranoid than you about what you’re eating and drinking (trust me, try staying with my grandma in New Delhi for a few days) and will make sure you are well taken care of. Just rememeber again, NO STREET FOOD. None. don’t do it. No uncooked veggies either. I know for a fact that you’ll have the trip of your lifetime! Just make sure you take Pepto with you just in case you get sick. Keep in mind that like, 80% of the doctors in the US are Indian (slight exxageration probably) so you should be ok…in India…where the docs come from……You’re going to have a blast Cely!!

    • Reese's Runner

      That’s such a good point! My arthritis doctor and my general practitioner are both from India and they are excellent. I’m honestly not worried about the people I stay with, I have no doubt they will be amazing. Mainly I’m just worried about being poorly prepared for the trip because I don’t really have any idea what we will actually be doing. And I have my pepto packed and I will avoid the street food.

  11. Reading your post is like a window into my brain. I am so glad I’m not the only one who over analyzes everything. I stress about everything and am super worked up about the fact that I MIght maybe maybe have a baby sometime in the next five years and that will just screw up everything. I’m not even pregnant but thinking about it makes me worry, then I get worried that my worrying will fry all my eggs and I’ll never be able to get pregnant. It’s a vicious cycle I’m stuck in. I can’t even begin to think about what it would be like to be Type B. How do they function?

    • Reese's Runner

      I have the exact thoughts. I am so worried about getting pregnant/staying pregnant/not dropping my child on their head that I can’t even breath. Like you, it’s not exactly in the imminent future. Can you imagine what a mess we will be when we do have kids. Gonna need a lot of meds for that!

  12. First of all…is that Paul Rudd? He is amazing and if I wasn’t married…he would be a top choice (after Timothy Ferris).

    I travel all the time and I never fail to flip my $&%@ almost every time. I have found ways to deal…I have a fat travel wallet with anything I could ever need: 2 passports (maiden and married name), marriage certificate (being married to a foreigner is fun and people question motives), sleeping tablets, metro tickets for London/DC/NYC/Chicago, stamps, at least $20 dollars of each currency, a document of all our frequent flyer numbers, emergency numbers, immunization records, and all that jazz…

    Each trip also gets it’s own document…

    I can relate on so many levels. Just make sure you have an extra pair of clothes and lots of panties in your carry on (third world countries LOVE losing luggage). Nothing like shopping for underwear in Dubai when every woman is in a burka and you automatically feel judgement.

    You are going to have an amazing trip. India is totally on my list.

    • Reese's Runner

      I just read about your trip to Mauritius and your little dinner incident made me worry. At least it looks like the rest of the trip will be fun! We have to take a huge suitcase (becuase we are taking gifts and will be receiving them) and a carry-on suitcase. I hope to get all of my clothes in the carry on. God willing. And that’s a great idea about the wallet!

  13. If anything, you’re going to lose 30 pounds over there from the lack of over processed “food products” that they don’t get. Plus the dysentary. Don’t forget about the exploding ass. They do eat the kind of real food that can be hard to find in ‘Merica.

    I certainly understand the lack of control thing. It’s well known that Other People Suck. They might not allow you to get enough run time in, or have someone to run with, or screw up everything else. Stick your nose into the agenda a bit and you’ll be much more comfortable. I can’t wait to see your pictures!

  14. Rachel

    Im probably what you would consider a “type B” person, and I have to admit, half of your frantic questions left me going ” oh gosh, I really have so much more that I should be worrying about!!- why didn’t I think to worry like that!?” Being type B sometimes leaves me feeling guilty bc type A people are always rushing me and telling me there are better ways to do things…I’m certainly not lazy but I do work on my own time table, am disorganized, sometimes forgetful, and am of the “things will work out just how they are supposed to” mindset… Which sometimes drives people crazy. Being type B isn’t always happy go lucky: I make lists in a concentrated effort to get organized and lose them, I have never managed to stay on a workout/training plan, and I often look at my whorenado of a room and wonder how the eff it got that way…but, i get my shit done and am at work on time and have friends (hah!) so i think I’m doin alright…we should all be thankful that we are all different and think differently- I definitely couldn’t handle another me either!

    • Reese's Runner

      Awww you sound just like my little sister. And I apologize if I implied that I think people who are more “type B” are lazy, because I certainly don’t. I just wish I could take a pill and chill the f out. Acting crazy certainly does not change the outcome in most situations, so why can’t I just trust that it will work out instead of stressing about it all the time. Anyway, you are so right, it’s a damn good thing we are differently because if we were all just one of those types the world would surely explode.

      • Rachel

        Certainly didn’t feel slighted in the least bit, I just always find it interesting to step in the brains of people different from m! And, just because I’m a B does not make me any less crazy…crazy runs in my family so we all have just learned to rock it. Own the crazy, life is so much more interesting that way.

  15. You are speaking to my heart lady.

    We are moving to NYC next month – seriously – NEXT MONTH. Planning a move from Tampa to NYC, with dogs – one over 50 pounds and of the “bully” persuasion, and cars that we are probably supposed to sell, and we just found out last Friday that it’s happening, and I start school again on Monday, and the boyfriend is moving up in two weeks so I’ll be here in the trenches figuring it all out. AND did you know that CarFax can lie? They can…so who knows if I’ll be able to sell my car due to falsely accused airbag deployment. It’s just so much to figure out! And all these adult choices?! This Type A is struggling!

    So none of that helps you, but at least you’re in good company. Safe travels!

    • Reese's Runner

      Oh lawd, that sounds awful. Absolutely awful. I think we need to take some Xanex and drink some vodka and make some lists attacking this issue. Also, I read that in super high-strung manic panic there are not periods in this paragraph voice. And now I’mm quite panicked for you.

      • I’ve got an excel spreadsheet with 4 tabs so far. I feel like if I get things out of my brain that I’ll somehow feel better but I’m really just made terribly more aware of all there is to get done.

        And of course I’m not one of those silly people that loses weight with stress. I’ll eat all of the feelings.

        Back to you now – can we expect updates from your travels while you’re there? I can’t wait to see how well everything turns out!!

        • Reese's Runner

          Well if you don’t write it down, then there’s the worry about forgetting what you were worrying about added. And yes, I will be updating while I’m gone (God willing). I don’t know how frequently I will access to the internet, but I’m going to hopefully write posts each day (mainly so I don’t forget everything) so I can publish them as soon as I get service. If I quit posting, then I’ve died.

  16. So I really want to email you to talk about India – I said a while back I would but then… well, I don’t know what happened. I can’t lie and say I’ve been busy because I haven’t been!! Anyway, I can’t find your email address and after spending like 8 mins stalkerazzing around your site, I feel weird. So now I am commenting. So send me an email!!! I will make a legit attempt to calm down the crazy. I understand it!!

  17. Alise

    I’m so jealous you’re going to India! Don’t worry, when I was in studying abroad in Spain- I did screw up the voltage when I attempted to plug in my hair dryer and the entire house lost electricity. They weren’t upset as they were used to us “crazy Americans” doing that haha.

    • Reese's Runner

      That’s good to hear, I hope my host families are used to having dumb people staying with them. Maybe they’ll be more forgiving.

  18. DJ

    I’m a new follower of yours and I’ve gotta say… reading this was really intense for me because I feel like you went inside of my brain and let the crazy out of it! I cannot CANNOT handle not having a list, or not having plans all lined up. And I think it causes me physical pain to be late to somewhere. So I understand what you’re going through with all the crazy up in there :)
    But I bet your trip will be amazing, and everything will work out just fine! After the hyperventilating is over, of course.

  19. Make a stopover in Toronto and hang with me for a day before you leave, I am Type B! I will channel all of my relaxed and easygoing energy to you. You will not worry about anything, almost to a fault! Malaria? Pft. Won’t happen to you. Burn someone’s house down? It’s fine, just block it out. Never happened.

    Also re: your newest post, I say new years!!! Ahh I am hiding my head in shame… I’ll never say it again.

  20. Mer

    Regarding the bottled water… My mom bought me a camelbak water bottle with a bacteria killing UV light. I currently have it with me in China and it is the BEST THING EVER. I don’t have to buy bottled water or ration what the hotel gives us. Plus, it makes me feel less wasteful since I can safely use water from the tap instead of a million water bottles.

  21. I just returned from a two-week trip to India this morning, and I have to say, that country is enough to make anyone crazy. I am solidly Type B, but I found myself picking fights and having heart attacks over plans gone awry. Even if you planned the trip yourself, you wouldn’t have control of the outcome – India is way too random for that.

    That being said, India is also the most bizarrely wonderful place that I have ever been, and it keeps dragging me back for more (this was my third trip). Take a chai break every chance you get, practice saying no, and if people shove in front of you while you’re waiting in line, feel free to shove right back (or bark “Mind the queue!).

    It’ll be great! Can’t wait to read your India posts.

  22. If it helps, the editor at my journal is in India doing a rickshaw run:

    It literally can always be worse…

  23. As a fellow type A, last year I was feeling the same way before I left for 4 months in China on academic exchange. I remember sitting on the airplane thinking “this is a big mistake!”. After the exchange was over, I realized how healthy it was to throw my lists and plans out the window. It took time to get used to but ultimately it made me more relaxed, flexible and anxiety free even when I got home. You learn how some things are universal and how some things we consider to be “normal” or “the best way to do things” in the West really aren’t! Have an amazing time, keep some toilet paper, hand sanitizer and Imodium with you and you will be just fine!

  24. I too am a planner and tend to freak out when someone else is in “control” because lets face it, sometimes people really are not in fact “in control” and don’t realize the need to PLAN. But in your situation I am sure there is nothing to worry about so enjoy your trip!

  25. I’m late to the game on this one due to my own travels, but re: running out of toilet paper: in India it will be as in Sri Lanka, you will have access to a little hose to rinse it all down. It’s a damp pain in the arse but ultimately, it’s ok. I hated it also, but it’s better than having no TP in, say, France, where you can’t even rinse…

    Also, when I was planning my 2-week solo hike from Pamplona to Cahors last summer, I was terrified I’d run out of things to DO, and how would I cope with my thirst for reading and communicating and SCREENS, so I packed my phone with podcasts, music, e-books etc. Despite having a bit of a crazy-brain myself, I didn’t touch it once the entire time. I was too busy “having an experience”… I had hoped I’d come out of it entirely changed but I didn’t, I was back to normal within days. But I was really glad to discover I could cope without for 14 whole days.

    Good luck!

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