I had a full-blown OMG I’m having a heart attack and I’m going to die panic attack last night. Sheer terror. I’m leaving the country in 11 days. ELEVEN. I don’t even know how it snuck up on me. How am I going to India? I keep waiting for someone to pop out and tell me this was all a really mean joke. It just seems so bizarre that two weeks from today I will eating dinner on the other side of the world. It’s just so very much unlike me to do something so exciting, I’m just having a little bit of a meltdown.
How am I going to cope without several hours of absolute silence each night? What if I don’t have time to read? What if I have a manic episode because I’m not running and can’t channel the crazy? How will I survive socializing and talking to strangers from morning to night? What if I run out of toilet paper? What if I gain 30 pounds and none of my clothes fit when I get back? What if I accidentally forget to use bottled water to brush my teeth? What if break my foot? How will I get around? What if people hate me? What if I screw up with the voltage and I burn someone’s house down with my hair dryer? What if they think I’m a terrorist for doing that? What if I come back and my boss realizes that a cockroach could do my job? And not even a highly trained ninja cockroach, just a regular dumb one? What if I get malaria? What if I have kids one day and I give them malaria, what will happen to them??? What does malaria do to babies!!!!!!!!! What would I do if I actually had real problems to deal with?
On top of general concern regarding possible unemployment and my eventual death via shame in my parent’s basement, I am freaking out because we will not have an agenda until after we arrive. In case you haven’t noticed, I tend to be a little bit on the high-strung side. If you were around when I went to Alaska, then you already know that having a plan is very very important to my mental stability. I’m a rigidly organized person and my well-being hinges on very precise and careful time management. Coping with the reality that I do not have any sort of agenda and I will likely from day to day have no idea what I will be doing is completely freaking me out. It also makes me kind of sad, like why can’t I just relax and enjoy it?
I don’t really have a choice, but OMFG, how do you just show up somewhere and trust that other people have planned everything appropriately. I hate giving up control and relying on other people (although I know I sound like a total asshole, I’m sure everything will be fine and they have planned our trip fantastically. I’m just crazy).
I am really excited though and I know that once I get my ass on the plane that everything will be fine. It’s just those days between now and then that worry me. I really would love to spend a day as someone with a Type B personality. I mean, what’s it like to not be a tightly-wound nut case all the time? Is it as wonderful as it seems? How do you get things done without lists? Is it true that the world will not end if you are late? Tell me your secrets!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh well. Speaking of crazy people, my mom has been a bit on edge about my trip. I do think she is doing better now that I’ve taught her how to Skype. We practiced multiple times on her new iPad over the break and I think they (my parents) mostly have the hang of it now. We will have more practice sessions over the next week, but I think they felt pretty high tech when they could actually hear and see me at the same time.
In good news, I got all of my immunizations covered by my insurance. I only had to call about 16 clinics across Texas before I found one that accepts my insurance (as filing a claim would result in it not being paid due to the clinic being out-of-netwok). So that saved me about $200o.
Here’s a little tip, try to find a travel clinic in a hospital as they are more likely to accept insurance. I went to the Travel Clinic in the Austin Diagnostic Center and they were fantastic. They were super helpful and spent about two hours answering my questions and giving me information. They were also very nice when I called and changed my appointments about 15 times.
Anyway, that’s what is on my mind today. I’m just going to try to work a whole lot in the next week to try and stay distracted. And yes, I realize that this all completely silly because I’m going on a majorly awesome trip, but you just can’t squash crazy because you want to.