On Sunday morning I woke up and put on my running clothes. Unfortunately, when I looked out the window to check the weather, I noticed that there was the little ol’ White Rock Marathon happening right out front.
I didn’t want to get tangled up in that mess, so I put my robe back on and got some breakfast. If you run it in the future, stay at the Omni because it begins and ends right in front of the hotel. I felt so smug and self-satisfied that I wasn’t running it. It was really enjoyable to watch that while eating muffins. I may never race again.
The rest of Sunday was spent at the conference learning about all the billions of ways we could lose our accreditation. Not scary at all. I did attend a great session on teaching evaluations by Virginia Tech and another one on undergraduate program review that was pretty fantastic. I was pretty excited that there was only one session that made me want to slit my wrists and that my name was spelled properly this year.
Please do your future children a favor and name them something normal that is easy to spell. It will save them a lot of frustration and time spent loudly enunciating and repeating letters.
Anyway, after a long day of conferencing, we we all went out to dinner together as a big happy academic family to the super fancy SER Steak + Spirits at the top of the Hilton Anatole.
You know it’s fancy when the menu is without prices and your tab for a single beer is $24. My co-worker peeled me off the floor and I drank that damn beer. Every last drop. I don’t really enjoy eating at really fancy places. It always takes like four hours and the servings are tiny and you have to be kind of quiet. I am not quiet. But when the (university) president tells you that you are going to dinner, you go to dinner and try very hard not laugh like a choking donkey.
Ordering was nerve-racking because, like I said, NO PRICES. I am constantly freaked out about forgetting a receipt or buying booze with the wrong card and spending the rest of my life blogging on my imaginary computer about the gross macaroni in prison because I misused state funds. Thankfully, I survived and had some incredible macaroni and a steak so tender that I didn’t even need my teeth for it. We even had a piece of chocolate cake infused with green tea. I’m sure that cost about $900. Thankfully, our president and provost very generously picked up the tab. It’s a good thing too because my check was surely about three times what I’m allotted for my daily meal allowance and I don’t have a credit card with that high of a limit.
After dinner, I passed out in my hotel room and tried not to die from pure joy. When I woke up from my fatty slumber, I was thrilled to find that it had SNOWED overnight. For real. Real live snow. See:
I didn’t say it was a lot of snow, but I haven’t woken up in Texas with snow in years and years. It was also legitimately cold.
Feels like 20. Amazing. There was only one thing to do, hop in my fluffy robe and get room service like a proper rich person.
The little miniature ketchup and jellies just about killed me with their tiny cuteness. I took them home with me. Gonna have a little tiny breakfast party one day. I’m pretty sure room service is the most fantastically indulgent thing I’ve ever experienced. A man brought me food, set it up for me, then came back, and took it away when I was finished. I didn’t have to do dishes. Best thing ever.
After breakfast I headed back to the conference for day two. Listened to a hundred more ways to ruin our accreditation and took a lunch break at the Omni.
According to our waiter, they get 95% of their ingredients from farms and ranches within 200 miles. This is supposed to be impressive. Anyway, we wanted something low-cal, so we ordered a pizza.
So delicious. Post-pizza we learned and feared for our lives (maintaining university accreditation can be fraught with terrifying situations) through the rest of the afternoon and then took some pictures in front of the giant holiday balls.
`
Nice balls
Sparkly balls
Yes, they are nice balls. But, they’re not Schwetty Balls.
(Yes, I have been waiting since last year to use that line. Love the old SNL Christmas specials!)
I love that skit. Atleast she doesn’t have her balls in a box. ;)
That GIF – too funny!!!!
My ridiculously priced meal story: DH and I honeymooned at Disney (‘cuz I had never been!). He turned 30 during our trip. I wanted to surprise him so I hired a limo and made reservations at Victoria and Albert’s.
We get to the restaurant, where they knew it was our honeymoon, too and they presented us with a card made out of white chocolate (Still have it…uneaten, albeit a bit discolored!). Then the meal, came….6 courses…with wine… we were stuffed. Price tag? Ridiculous! There was even a Saudi prince in the restaurant. Swanky!
So this is the crazy part. This was before cell phones became mainstream. We returned home to about a dozen messages from MasterCard. They wanted to confirm that between the limo and the meal we spent close to $1000. Yes, MasterCard we were that reckless and we enjoyed every minute of it!
Hahahaha amazing!!!! At least you had fun right?
It always delights me when your last name pops up on the blog and I remember it’s Smart.
It’s colder in Dallas than Bozeman. Whatever. It’s dumping snow at the moment. Which reminds me that I need to get my snow tires put on the Chevy, otherwise I will likely find myself smushed under someone’s Escalade in the coming months. Also, your Omni room is much fancier than my Omni Corpus room.
Well, you should know by now to seriously decrease your expectations if you visit Corpus. Not posh. And please try not to get mashed by an Escalade, that would be quite sad.
I have the same anxiety in regards to my work visa. It is from the same bank as my personal visa. Once, I accidentally used it to buy my husband hunting boots from Cabelas. I realized my error a few hours after ordering, had a small heart attack, called my boss at home, called Cabelas and vomited my story to some poor salesperson. My boss assured me he did not think I was a hunting boot embezzler. The nice people at Cabelas canceled the order and now I have a piece of bright orange tape on the work visa.
I keep mine in a little sleeve with a piece of tape on it that says “NO.” I’m glad we won’t be sharing a cell. At least your feet would be warm right?
Very cold feet and unfortunately I do not think slippers are allowed in prison just orange flip flops.
I guess it’s a good thing I look really good in orange flip flops.
I was heading to Las Vegas with my cousin for a 3 day girls trip, and decided to clean out my wallet, get rid of all the extra stuff that I wouldn’t need on the trip. (Grocery store loyalty cards? Leave em at home)
I was in Vegas when I realized I had left my personal cards at home, and kept only my work Visa in my wallet.
Panicked calls to my boss, HR, and accounting resulted in permission to use the card on my trip… but I felt like a giant tool. I also didn’t buy as much stuff as I would have otherwise.. so maybe that was good!
Oh wow that would be a horrible feeling! At least you had the business card right?
I was very thankful to have it! and that I had decent bosses who were understanding about the whole situation. I’ll never do that again, that’s for sure!
I am really jealous of all that food. Really jealous. I should be eating like that right now, as a tired fat pregnant woman. I’m going to get a sandwich.
Also, the pressure I’m feeling about naming the upcoming arrival is really tense. What if I name her something too boring? What if it’s too interesting? What if her name causes her to grow up and resent me and underachieve? OMG. So thanks for that reminder.
I think you should name her Cely. Even with the bitching about spelling, I get mostly positive feedback. Just a suggestion.
Ohhhh God I am reading this while eating lunch (very plain and sad salad and sandwich), and I have the food envy BIG TIME. That pizza!!!! I wish I was eating it right now! Ugh. And I’m so with you on fancy restaurants – small portions, and I’m way too loud!
Also love the miniature ketchup and jelly bottles. I had a little jelly bottle in my overnight bag for like I year that I kept forgetting to take out and use.
We should have a jelly party!
In those fancy, business dinner situations, I just follow someone else. If they order a drink, I feel ok ordering one as well. Same with the meal. Really, the host should set the tone by ordering bottles of wine and appetizers for the table. Sounds like you did good.
The Kidless Kronicles
I once went to a semi-nice dinner, hosted by a government contractor, hosting about 40 of us. The waitress told everyone it was all on said contractor’s tab. 4 of us proceeded to drink…a lot. A lot of call drinks, wine, etc. A few other folks had a glass of wine. The bill comes to the company president, who then has to ask everyone to chip in. Apparently those gov’t regs restrict the $ amount they can treat each person to, and the 4 of us jacked the bill up so high it screwed the other 36 folks. I was both ashamed, and proud. Mostly proud.
I think you should choose proud. And we aren’t allowed to pay for booze with our state meal funds. Sad times. Seriously puts a kink in my boozing since drinks in Dallas are $5,000 each.
Okay seriously – you have the BEST last name ever! I’m sure no one mentioned it while you were in school…
As for the pizza, it completely crumbled my dieting willpower to dust. Move over salad – pizza is coming to stay-hay.
you have the best name. especially for all your sarcasm and witty banter, it’s genius. not to mention that with a PhD, it’s even better.
Don’t fill her ego
It sure isn’t fun when I introduce myself and people laugh because they think I’m joking. I have had a very traumatic life.
LOVE LOVE LOVE THE OMNI! stayed there last december when I ran White Rock!
Oh I think I should fly to Dallas only to have my picture taken beside those giants Christmas balls and then fly back. Oh and maybe I’ll get a piece of pizza in the process…
I’m in AZ right now and the high today is 50. Pure joy. People are freaking out at the base because it might snow on Friday and we “might not get all our work done.”
Like, really? Apparently everything stops here for snow. I’ve got 3 days till I have to go home so the snow better get here quick to put some gd Christmas joy in my cold, black heart.
I doubt anyone in America appreciates snow as much as Floridians and Texans. I’m glad you are experiencing a kind of legit winter for a few weeks. I sure enjoyed my three days of it.
What is all this gooey, mushy love for Dallas and good food? I clicked over here specifically for WTF Wednesday. I need my weekly dose of witty bitching from you!
wait….Dr.Smart? HAHAHAHAHAHA
thank you for that.
Dr smart ass
Mean. So very very mean.
That pizza looks fantastic!
Where do you think they store the massive balls when it isn’t the holiday season?
Sadly,31 degrees is quite average around here. It is only glorious because at least it isn’t 15 degrees
Snow in Texas? How droll.
Jealous much?
LOVE, LOVE seeing your name with your title.
Though after seeing the all caps LOVE I feel like it would make a good last name too. Cely you should change your name to Dr. Love.
best. name. ever.
I loooove going to swank restaurants and pretending I’m “the other class” (dahling!). Bonus when you are with gracious and generous company and don’t have to live on plain spaghetti for the next six months.
Amen.
i too noticed that cely is dr. smart, but what caught my eye the most was the conference name. SACKS-COCK. sounds like a good one to attend!
Hahahahaah I wish! That would be great. Unfortunately the second part is said C-O-C like you are spelling it. Sad times.
DR. SMART! : )
love it
I just cancelled all my movie channels too.. I died a little inside