Damn Skippy

Apparently the theme for this week is just complete and total failure at life. I have just plain sucked this week. The only thing that I haven’t screwed up is on not eating sugar and that is only because I was sick for most of the week. It’s so been so incredibly wonderful.

That cat makes me happy when nothing else can.

I ordered a webcam for a web training next week. Since I’m so awesome with technology, I decided it would be a good idea to practice using it beforehand. I asked my friend Allison (in case you somehow forgot, she’s the jerkface who moved and left me here) to Skype with me over lunch. It took us FOREVER to make it all work. FOREVER. She didn’t have Skype, then I couldn’t find her, then we didn’t have video, then we didn’t have sound, then only one of us had sound, and then only one had video. We had all the problems.  It was pathetic and embarrassing. On the bright side, it was a good chance to practice our miming technique and watch each other be extremely frustrated in silence.

Yep, those two ladies do not struggle at all with technology. We also tried to fix the color, but failed at that also.

It was like living on the sun. If anyone is looking to do a reality show on the trials and tribulations of the highly incompetent yet somehow in charge of stuff, call us!

I fell last night. Fell while skipping. Skipping. The dumbest thing there is. I shall never skip again. I went for a run and enjoyed a nice three miler in the semi-cool evening air. As I walked back to my apartments, I passed one of my neighbors standing in a parking lot. He yelled at me and I walked over to say hi. I asked him why he was alone in an empty parking lot like a axe murderer. He said “skipping.” Nobody skips after the age of seven, that’s a damn fact. He disagreed and said skipping is some sort of magic cardiovascular exercise.

After several minutes of taunting and pleading with me, I agreed to give skipping a chance. Approximately seven yards later, I skipped myself right into the pavement.  We can go ahead and add him to the list of people that I will never make eye contact with again. I just wanted to die. I haven’t been that embarrassed in a long time. Because I’m super smooth, I just pretended it didn’t happen and silently disappeared into the night.

After making it safely back to my home, I heated some pulled pork in the microwave. I then lifted it out and poured it right down both my legs. I have no memories of lifting it and I have no idea how it happened. It just slipped right out of the bowl and all over me. Sizzling pork fat will really put a scald on you.

By the grace of God, I remembered to get my phone out of my pocket before I jumped fully clothed into the cold shower. That would have been an expensive little oversight. Between the pavement burn and the actual burn marks, my legs are looking sexy. At this point, I will be surprised if I survive until Friday afternoon. I have accidentally almost killed myself too many times this week. I’m just going to wrap myself in foam and try not to move.

36 Comments

Filed under Amazing Feats

36 Responses to Damn Skippy

  1. Justin

    Lmao I am laughing so freaking hard, you never told me that crap happened. Holy moley you are ridiculous.

  2. This made my morning. I laughed out loud several times, especially at the skipping. Not LOL though, I don’t do that. Try Google Talk Hangouts! I find it so much easier than skype.

  3. jess @ runaroundphilly

    i totally just LOL’d in my office. my cube mates probably think i forgot to take my meds. i haven’t skipped in years, is it like riding a bike do you always remember how? hope today is a better day!!! if it makes you feel better i didn’t win the $550 mil jackpot so wednesday wasn’t a good day for me either!

    • Reese's Runner

      Man, your Wednesday did suck. Poor you! And yeah, you just start skipping and it just magically happens. Just try not to fall.

  4. This post is missing a picture of said sexy legs.

    • Justin

      Aggggrrreeeeeeeeeeeeed

    • Jason L

      Yep. Pictures are needed. Yesterday Cely, you taught us that people online lie to us, so now we need proof to go along with your stories. Otherwise how are we supposed to believe that you have skipping injuries and pulled pork burns?

  5. Dave L

    I’m not sure I like what it says about me, that like your other friends, I laughed out loud at the skipping incident. Skippapalooza. Skippageddon. If only we had a Magruder film of it. Does the parking lot have security cameras we can tap into?

  6. I once saw something skip an entire marathon. Well, I’m assuming he skipped the entire marathon- I didn’t actually follow him the whole time. I also saw someone jumprope backwards. So, those are some options for you if running gets boring :-)

    • Reese's Runner

      Those are both completely bizarre. Why? Why would you do that? Of course, why would anyone run a marathon? At least all the crazies were in one place.

      • Dave L

        I haven’t seen anyone skip a marathon, but I tried running the San Antonio marathon a coupla years ago while recovering from being sick. I got passed by a girl wearing a long hippie-style skirt (don’t ask, that was my impression) who was barefoot.

  7. Angie

    You can Skype on your iPad if you download the app. It’s so simple but you’re probably not bringing your iPad to India.

    • Reese's Runner

      I’ve skyped on my iPad with much less difficulty, but for this work thing I need to be on my computer because it has one of those stupid slideshows everyone is watching together.

  8. Ouch! Your legs took a beating it sounds like… But at least you saved the phone. That’s the most important thing. I mean who cares about skin on your legs, right? ;)

  9. I joked about skipping the Color Run next month. Turns out skipping is not a joke and I take it all back.

  10. Allison

    i suddenly have the earge to skip. Is that odd?

    Too bad this office has cameras installed.

  11. Might I suggest bubble wrap instead? Easier than foam. Or you could just surround yourself with those annoying packing peanuts.

    The Kidless Kronicles

  12. Stefanie

    I really hate to laugh at your misery, but you have had quite the week!

  13. Haha… as a horribly clumsy person and an anything technology related idiot I can totally relate to this post. Also, I thought clumsy was spelled “clumbsy” so thank goodness for spell check :)

  14. Tiffany Fralie

    I too know how you feel about this week… The first line of your post made me laugh so hard and realize I am not alone in this world! Although I think my week has been a tad bit worse…

    I proceeded to run over the gas meter in front of my house with my husband’s truck. I don’t mean like just hit it and dent the truck. My truck was sitting on top of the gas meter. I still do not know how I managed it, but I did. Amen to you for making me laugh! I sure need it this week!

  15. Coach Courtney

    Maybe you can skip your happy ass all the way up Pikes Peak. Actually how about you take the trolly up and I’ll meet you there. I don’t wanna have to saw my own arm off because you tripped and knocked a boulder onto me.

    • Reese's Runner

      I wouldn’t leave you there, give me some credit. Unless I died during the course of the initial boulder collision. Otherwise, I would save you.

      • Coach Courtney

        THAT actually made me laugh. The girl who fall trying to jump rope and skip, stabs herself performing mindless tasks such as taking the garbage out, faint’s at the sight of blood and has zero clue on how to video chat. I AM OBVIOUSLY a fool if I do not bring you on my mountain hiking trip. My survival and mitlitary skills will obviously be shadowed by your plethora of knowledge and skills.

        • Reese's Runner

          You have a factual error. Blood does not make me pass out, the loss of blood does because I have low blood pressure. Get it right. And I have skills. I will bring excellent cookies and I am good at reading.

  16. Oh, Seals… I’m crying, I’m laughing so hard. Not at your misery, of course; just at the retelling of such misery :)

  17. Wow, suddenly a bubble wrap dress seems like a good idea for you.

    The grumpy cat is killing me! Loving those things right now. Good luck surviving the weekend!

  18. Jo from Alaska

    Ugh on the skipping. At least you don’t have skip-related urinary incontinence. See–could be worse.

    While avoiding my university-paid job, I ran across this about Kate’s new hairstyle and thought of you: http://shine.yahoo.com/the-thread-style-crush/kate-middleton-gets-bangs-dresses-princess-diana-172700704.html

  19. I love skipping!! But not in carparks after dark. Now THAT is weird. And clearly dangerous.

  20. Serious LOLage over “skipped myself right into the pavement”. Sorry, but even “seeing” people fall on the Interwebs is freakin’ hilarious. :)

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