Apparently the theme for this week is just complete and total failure at life. I have just plain sucked this week. The only thing that I haven’t screwed up is on not eating sugar and that is only because I was sick for most of the week. It’s so been so incredibly wonderful.
That cat makes me happy when nothing else can.
I ordered a webcam for a web training next week. Since I’m so awesome with technology, I decided it would be a good idea to practice using it beforehand. I asked my friend Allison (in case you somehow forgot, she’s the jerkface who moved and left me here) to Skype with me over lunch. It took us FOREVER to make it all work. FOREVER. She didn’t have Skype, then I couldn’t find her, then we didn’t have video, then we didn’t have sound, then only one of us had sound, and then only one had video. We had all the problems. It was pathetic and embarrassing. On the bright side, it was a good chance to practice our miming technique and watch each other be extremely frustrated in silence.
Yep, those two ladies do not struggle at all with technology. We also tried to fix the color, but failed at that also.
It was like living on the sun. If anyone is looking to do a reality show on the trials and tribulations of the highly incompetent yet somehow in charge of stuff, call us!
I fell last night. Fell while skipping. Skipping. The dumbest thing there is. I shall never skip again. I went for a run and enjoyed a nice three miler in the semi-cool evening air. As I walked back to my apartments, I passed one of my neighbors standing in a parking lot. He yelled at me and I walked over to say hi. I asked him why he was alone in an empty parking lot like a axe murderer. He said “skipping.” Nobody skips after the age of seven, that’s a damn fact. He disagreed and said skipping is some sort of magic cardiovascular exercise.
After several minutes of taunting and pleading with me, I agreed to give skipping a chance. Approximately seven yards later, I skipped myself right into the pavement. We can go ahead and add him to the list of people that I will never make eye contact with again. I just wanted to die. I haven’t been that embarrassed in a long time. Because I’m super smooth, I just pretended it didn’t happen and silently disappeared into the night.
After making it safely back to my home, I heated some pulled pork in the microwave. I then lifted it out and poured it right down both my legs. I have no memories of lifting it and I have no idea how it happened. It just slipped right out of the bowl and all over me. Sizzling pork fat will really put a scald on you.
By the grace of God, I remembered to get my phone out of my pocket before I jumped fully clothed into the cold shower. That would have been an expensive little oversight. Between the pavement burn and the actual burn marks, my legs are looking sexy. At this point, I will be surprised if I survive until Friday afternoon. I have accidentally almost killed myself too many times this week. I’m just going to wrap myself in foam and try not to move.