I’ve been sick for the past couple of days, so that’s been fun. Bardot and I slept (meaning I puked while Bardot slept peacefully as if cherubs had stuffed her big ears full of fluffy clouds) on the bathroom floor last night. Don’t worry, she took my blankets and pillow and made herself a nice little nest. When I was sick on Monday night, she proceeded to lay on me every time I got back in bed. Sadly those measly 23 pounds are not enough to hold me down.
I retain the right to ruin your sleep whenever I want you snoring little monster.
It’s scary and sad that I have so many friends who have been in a similar situation. One friend even met the guy in person and dated him for SIX MONTHS before finding out he was married and lying about everything. He pretended to be at his grandfather’s deathbed while he was really on his honeymoon. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS WORLD!!!! Use the Google ladies, like your life depends on it.
If you wanted to be further creeped out, you can read this article from the LA Times about a woman who fell in love with a man named “Jesse James” who was made up by a random lady who pretended to be both him and his sister. Just don’t read it right before bed. Lindsey sent it to me late on Monday night and I would not have slept a wink, even if I hadn’t been busy puking.
Finally, if you want to laugh and feel slightly less freaked out about the world we are all dating in, go back to Lindsey’s blog and read her adventures in online dating. You can learn about several interesting men including the guy who only eats five times a week. You just can’t even make that kind of crazy up. That’s an entirely special breed.
(Jacked from Happy or Hungry without permission. Please don’t sue me. I’m poor.)
Sorry for the laziness today, but her blog is a billion times more entertaining and interesting anyway. Really, I’m doing you a favor. After reading these stories, I hope you will virtually join us (Lindsey and I) as official shut-ins. I’m okay with being alone and spinsterhood just feels like such a natural path anyway. Just me, my pets, and a box of wine.
No one will be wearing my skin anytime soon (unless they are already hiding in my apartment…. gonna add “checking for serial killers” to my list of things to do before I leave for work). Anyway, I’m going to start tackling that list and try to get it together and go to work because educational policy NEVER STOPS. Not in America. We love to makes rules, regulations for rules, policies for regulations for rules, and strategic task forces for evaluating the policies for regulations on rules. It’s not frustrating or redundant at all. Peace out y’all.
If I’m not back tomorrow, please call 911. Thanks.