I’ve been sick for the past couple of days, so that’s been fun. Bardot and I slept (meaning I puked while Bardot slept peacefully as if cherubs had stuffed her big ears full of fluffy clouds) on the bathroom floor last night. Don’t worry, she took my blankets and pillow and made herself a nice little nest. When I was sick on Monday night, she proceeded to lay on me every time I got back in bed. Sadly those measly 23 pounds are not enough to hold me down.
I retain the right to ruin your sleep whenever I want you snoring little monster.
So, anyway, if you want to really yell “WTF!!!” at your computer screen, go check out Lindsey’s blog post on the internet creeper who didn’t exist. And the follow-up to the story. Creepy stuff.
(source)
It’s scary and sad that I have so many friends who have been in a similar situation. One friend even met the guy in person and dated him for SIX MONTHS before finding out he was married and lying about everything. He pretended to be at his grandfather’s deathbed while he was really on his honeymoon. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS WORLD!!!! Use the Google ladies, like your life depends on it.
If you wanted to be further creeped out, you can read this article from the LA Times about a woman who fell in love with a man named “Jesse James” who was made up by a random lady who pretended to be both him and his sister. Just don’t read it right before bed. Lindsey sent it to me late on Monday night and I would not have slept a wink, even if I hadn’t been busy puking.
Finally, if you want to laugh and feel slightly less freaked out about the world we are all dating in, go back to Lindsey’s blog and read her adventures in online dating. You can learn about several interesting men including the guy who only eats five times a week. You just can’t even make that kind of crazy up. That’s an entirely special breed.
(Jacked from Happy or Hungry without permission. Please don’t sue me. I’m poor.)
Sorry for the laziness today, but her blog is a billion times more entertaining and interesting anyway. Really, I’m doing you a favor. After reading these stories, I hope you will virtually join us (Lindsey and I) as official shut-ins. I’m okay with being alone and spinsterhood just feels like such a natural path anyway. Just me, my pets, and a box of wine.
No one will be wearing my skin anytime soon (unless they are already hiding in my apartment…. gonna add “checking for serial killers” to my list of things to do before I leave for work). Anyway, I’m going to start tackling that list and try to get it together and go to work because educational policy NEVER STOPS. Not in America. We love to makes rules, regulations for rules, policies for regulations for rules, and strategic task forces for evaluating the policies for regulations on rules. It’s not frustrating or redundant at all. Peace out y’all.
(source)
If I’m not back tomorrow, please call 911. Thanks.
`
I LOVE YOU CELY!!!!! Thank you for being my BFF through all of this. You even consoled me the night he stood me up! I appreciated all the virtual wine! xoxo
Oh, also, just read your last post, the only series I have started reading and not finished are 50 Shades of Grey (just couldn’t do it), and the Outlander series. I guess I don’t like reading about violent sex.
I forgot about Outlander, I didn’t even finish the first book. Damn. I’ve failed and lied. And I love you too!!
I didn’t either! I was almost at the end of the first book and I just decided that I didn’t care what happened.
And man I am a jerk for not mentioning this in my first comment, but I hope you feel better!
I’m being a super mega creep here, but you two are like my soulmates. I’ve drank so much virtual wine, especially through my pregnancy. Cely, you are freaking hilar. How do I follow you? And by follow, I mean creepily read your posts and only sometimes leave comments.
Ahoy Soul Matey! I am SO excited for you two to virtually meet each other. I have always thought you would hit it off. Let’s allllll be soulmates and virtually drink wine. And Katy, as soon as you fix this pregnant situation of yours, we are actually drinking wine in person. It is happening.
And Cely is notorious for creepily reading through posts and not commenting, so she will understand.
Lindsey is right, I’m a creeper who rarely comments. So, feel free to read in silence. Good luck with the pregnancy!!!
My dumb reader never shows me Lindsey’s posts. Stupid broken thing. But she is funny, and that is crazy creepy. Glad I read it AFTER I met my husband online (actually true, but we lie about it all the time to decrease the creepy factor).
Hahaha my cousin and her husband do the same thing. So everyone in their family has a conflicting story. They are bad liars, poor things.
Your reader is dumb.
How is it that everyone seems to meet their soulmates online and I have the weirdest, creepiest experience ever? I’m bitter.
Oh, just to spice things up I pretended he was high-level creepy for several months and Googled him to death until I finally concluded that he was a rather stable good Catholic boy with a decent job and not a lot of student loan debt. BORING.
You met me online. We can be soulmates :)
OMG can we?!
Geez Gracie, that is boring and a half. Where is the story there??
For real. You mean he turned out to be a great guy with religion and a job? That is so incredibly lame. I feel so sorry for you.
I will have to go back and read those posts while I am listening to 6 hours of boring conference calls.
The Kidless Kronicles
i read lindsey’s blog and the whole time my heart was racing a million miles an hour. i was so happy there was a follow-up. and i watched the 1st 3 episodes of the CATFISH show on MTV because of it. now i’m addicted to lying internet daters! (boy i am thankful to not be single these days!)
I watched the Catfish movie, but I’m too afraid to watch the show. I’m way too paranoid and freaked out as is.
I didn’t know there was a show!!! I watched the movie and that was creepy enough…
I’ve seen the movie, but I didn’t know there was a show either!!! I am kind of obsessed with this kind of stuff as well for some reason, though you would think I’ve had enough. I may have to watch, just for research purposes.
The tv show is creepy but not nearly as creepy as the movie. The show is more just like wtf why are these people so dumb to believe these randoms they meet on the internet. The movie is WAY more intense
If you’re creeped out by the fake Jesse James story, watch the movie Catfish. (It’s a documentary, kind of…) You’ll probably never trust anyone on the interwebs again.
I did a few months ago, I’ve still not recovered. Who are you again?
The question is…. Who AREN’T I?
I kinda feel like that question would actually be, “Who am I not?”
I thing the question is both questions.
I work in Higher Ed, too, and all I can say is AMEN to your last paragraph. And, if I have to sit in ONE MORE meeting where we TALK about how we’re going to “focus on assessment” one more time I might scream. Let’s just assess already then, dammit! Ok, rant over.
Assessment. That word makes me skin crawl. I feel your pain. If we actually spent the time we waste discussing how to assess, how to develop rubrics, how biased rubrics are, and the fact that you can’t actually assess critical thinking, we would be done assessing every damn thing on earth.
Holy crap. That is nuts!!!!
Oh…my god. Lindsey’s story about the man who didn’t exist REALLY freaked me out. Maybe it was that I read it first thing upon awakening, but DAMN. I’m going to go tell my boyfriend thank you for existing.
Cheers for existing!!!!!
I told my fiance’ the same thing :)
I’m actually jc chasez from nsync. I dumped tara Reid for you.
Gross. You are tainted. So tainted. Off to dry heave…
That’s probably why he didn’t get a wedding invite. Tara Reid taint. Blah. She was the 90s ke$ha.
I loved Lindsey’s posts about online dating! My sister met her husband online, so I was feeling AWFUL about how unsuccessful I have been with it. Everything Lindsey said was right on.
I am wavering between being a shut in and trolling the aisles of Home Depot and forcing a “meet cute” with handsome strangers. Leaning towards shut in since I tried meeting men at Dick’s (what better place, right??), but realized they are not hanging out by the women’s nike tempo shorts and I’m too standoffish to actually make conversation with a stranger. Sisters in spinsterhood!!
Hahahaha I totally know how you feel. It’s a nice theory, but fails in so many ways in practice. Oh well. Shut-ins for life! What kind of boxed wine do you like?
Come be a shut in with us!!!! We’ll get the wine and the Cheetos, you just bring your cat!
Can we hold off on this women’s shut-in movement until after I’m not single? If it catches on you’ll be making things kind of tough for me. With all the nice ladies staying home I’d have to start going door to door and that sounds really awkward.
Stop teasing…you probably don’t even exist.
I’m willing to prove I exist if you’d like to make a request.
Prove it! Prove it!
Melissa, you are especially spunky today. Did you have an energy drink?
Well here’s a picture of me next to your request to prove that I exist. There can’t be a lot of picture of that out there since your request has only existed since tonight. I’ve got my No Shave November beard still going.
http://i1322.photobucket.com/albums/u572/Jason_Leake/I_exist.jpg
You are a BEARDO.
Too much franzia, I think, cely.
Great job, Jason ! Clever way to prove it.
Gurl you are wild and crazy with that Franzia. Please tell me it’s the pink kind.
So do I get some proof that Melissa is a real person too? I mean otherwise you might turn out to be some alternate personality that Cely has.
Alternate personalities. Plural. There are many of us.
Hmm if there are extras can I have one?
Is there any flavor of franzia besides the pink?
I’ve heard rumor of white kind, but it’s not been confirmed.
Think I should keep it past November?
Sure, make it a Decembeard.
You’re a beardo.
THANK YOU for introducing me to Lindsey’s blog! Amaze. You guys both are awesome.
Oh online dating…I wish I wasn’t such an expert, I really do. It will suck out your soul. If I wasn’t blogging about being an awkward runner, I’d definitely blog about being an awkward dater for sure. People be kray!
Yikes…that makes for a seriously downer Wednesday. Hope you’re feeling better.
Now that I’m no longer in the dating world, I appreciate these stories more! Thanks for sharing!
There is a TV show on MTC called Catfish. It is all about people who meet people online and never meet them. Then these two guys come in and help you track them down so you can meet the person. The one I watched was a girl seeing a guy via Facebook for 8 months (i think) and goes to meet him and it is a 18 year old girl!! She had been acting as this guy for 4 years!!! WTF is wrong with the world today!!! Good luck!
Sorry I meant MTV.
Thanks for sharing that story. I’m not freaked out at all by it. Not at all.
I must know, what do you think if Kate Middleton’s new haircut? I have lukewarm feelings about it. She is beautiful no matter what, but it kind of makes her look older.
I feel the same. Just meh. Or maybe it’s because the only picture I’ve seen is of her in that spinster green dress. Show some collar bone!!!
Maybe the green dress and haircut are distractions for a pregnancy? Her face looked a little rounder with the haircut. Of course, she would be one of those sickeningly adorable pregnant woman.
She must have had a third of a muffin. Those carbs will really fatten a girl up fast.
I hope you feel better soon! Google like your life depends on it – love that.
I saw this and immediately thought of you
http://shine.yahoo.com/the-thread-style-crush/kate-middleton-gets-bangs-dresses-princess-diana-172700704.html
I’m not a big fan of those bangs. Not at all.
thanks for introducing me to her blog! so funny!! luckily, I read the funny part first. then got freaked out by the guy who didn’t exist.
As a guy who actually exists I feel it’s unfair that I now have to compete against guys who don’t. Maybe there needs to be some sort of specialty dating site for imaginary men and women. That way they can pair up with each other.
This idea is BRILLIANT!!!!
I actually think that website is called match.com…
Hahahahaha. I just laughed so hard and unexpectedly that I think I have rice in my lungs. I want to make a superior imaginary person to go find an imaginary soulmate with.
Hmm. Nope doesn’t work. I tried but I can’t imagine anyone superior to you Cely.