It is so easy to be lazy. So easy. And the more lazy I am, the more I can’t see any way out. In this instance, lazy is pretty specifically in relation to making an effort at life outside of work. For the last month or so I’ve been generally apathetic about life. Not really caring about anything. Making little effort to exercise and even less effort to eat in a healthy and consistent manner. Just couldn’t be bothered to care. Last week it all came to a head and I felt like I was on the precipice of just giving up (not doing anything deadly, just really committing to not caring about my body). And I was sad.
On Halloween night I laid in bed completely and totally ill. I actually thought I might die at several points because my stomach hurt so badly. Despite the fact that eating an insane amount of candy and chocolate had led to said death-like state, my brain was still doing this:
I was laying there with my fingers and lips covered in Tums dust, trying not to vomit, completely sure I was on the verge of a sugar seizure, and all I could think about was how I wished I had more candy. Then I started wondering if we would still have a bunch of candy at the office the next day. Then I started fantasizing about Christmas candy and then Valentine’s candy and then back to Halloween. Suddenly, an entire year of my life had passed by in one sugary rush.
Then it dawned on me that if I felt this way and thought that much about alcohol, I would be in rehab. So, I realized that I’ve gotten out of control over the past few weeks. What is disappointing is that since living on my own, I had been really good about dialing down the consumption of sweets. I was at the point where I had a normal and reasonable amount of candy once or twice a week. Sometimes not at all.
I enjoyed candy or a cupcake or doughnut or sweet anything if was something I didn’t find often or is truly delicious. So I enjoyed a piece of homemade chocolate cake, a Reese’s Big Cup (which are not that easy to find outside of gas stations), or a chocolate cake doughnut with chocolate glaze icing from Shipley’s when they made their rare appearance at work. I didn’t waste time on Tootsie Rolls or Kit Kat bars.
Haha sorry, that made me laugh really hard.
Anyway, so last week I decided that I would take a break from sugar to reset my body and get back to eating sweets rarely. I did this when my peanut butter habit (only jars of peanut butter, not candy with peanut butter in it obviously) got out of hand and I can happily report that I now eat peanut butter in the prescribed amount again. The weeks leading up to Halloween were a bit of a sugar shitshow. I mean just mindlessly grazing on candy for most of the day. Eating any sugary treat that I laid eyes on and having endless Cinnamon Toast Crunch for dinner. For weeks. There is no doubt that added sugar is not good for you. And you can save your “but a little bit of dark chocolate is!” for the birds. I’ve consumed enough dark chocolate to keep my heart pumping for the next 700 years.
So, I will not be eating anything that can be classified as a sweet or dessert (candy, chocolate, pastries, doughnuts, cinnamon rolls, pies, cakes, pancakes/waffles/french toast (because syrup is mandatory), cookies, Nutella, cereal made for children, honey… gah the list of the good stuff is long) for the rest of November. Today would be one week without sugar if Laura hadn’t forced me to eat cookie dough last weekend. I mean, she held me down and made me. I take no responsibility.
That’s a lie, it was all my fault. I make bad choices when I drink. Gonna take that down a notch too. I am also not going to have a candy binge or sugar festival on December 1, the point of this is to not slip back into my old and evil ways.
I’ve also been running this past week and it’s been kind of wonderful. The half-marathon I was planning on in December is not happening since it is at the same time I will be at a conference for work. Learning > running. But, it has been really nice to just run whatever distance I feel like. Kind of freeing and far less stressful.
So between now and India, I’ll just keep running and lifting weights. Or swimming. Or doing whatever the hell I feel like, but definitely doing something every day (even if it’s just a long walk). I have noticed that I’m a bit cantankerous and hateful when I don’t exercise. It’s not like studies have shown that exercise can improve your mental well being or anything. Anyway, I think I’m going to be okay.