My arm is still sore from the shotgun on Saturday. This probably means I’m the biggest pansy ever. It’s been like a whole bunch of days. I feel embarrassed about this. I don’t know WTF people were thinking by allowing me to use a firearm.
Speaking of guns, oh Pippa, WTF happened here? It’s so unfortunate when you find yourself in a car full of wealthy douchebags.
Pippa also attended quite the party in Paris before the gun incident. I want to go to a fancy dress party like that. WTF? Why wasn’t I invited? I’m fun. I can stay up and party until 4 am at least once a year.
And I know it’s a theme party, but that is fugly aristocrat attire. Speaking of rich people who look fugly:
Coachella is definitely my worst nightmare. Too many dirty people. And you know what is worse than hippies? Rich hippies. WTF are these people wearing??
Seeing Vanessa Hudgens makes me want to shower and steer clear of drugs.
So, I feel bad saying this, but I do not like Angelina Jolie’s engagement ring. Not at all. It’s too much and too gaudy for me. Also, it reminds me of a 1970′s style chandelier, which I hate because I have really really strong feelings and opinions about chandelier styles.
So I know you all come here to read about me because I’m so perfect and brilliant. And 99% of the time, that is an accurate assessment of my spectacular self. So, I wanted to tell you about something I’m completely stupid about so you can feel better about yourself. Because I’m a nice person. Most days I make a sandwich using chicken (this is actually turkey as someone so kindly pointed out, I’m an idiot) lunch meat. Yes, I’m gross and disgusting and I don’t eat real food. blah blah blah. Anyway, every time I get a new box of it I open it the wrong way. So there’s a sticker that says “bend to open” with an arrow. Every damn time I peel the sticker off and can’t figure out how to open it for several minutes before I realize I have to crack open the corner of the box. So. Frustrating. I don’t know WTF is wrong with the people who designed this thing.
Don’t you feel smart now?
And the best WTF face I’ve ever seen goes to this pug:
I cannot quit laughing. I looked at that probably 45 times yesterday afternoon. It kills me. You can see more awesome photos here.