1. Soooooo, looks like this weekend is going to be a bust for the Spring Breakers. I wonder what all those girls that planned to come down and shake their boobs while dancing to GNR (Guns ‘n’ Roses for you unhip people) in the bed of some redneck’s truck are going to do now???
Maybe they can just wear a front-zip hoodie, so they can stay warm and occasionally unzip to get some attention. I just can’t even fathom why women do this. If you are going to shake and show your goods, at least have the sense to get paid for it.
2. I woke up this morning hungrier than I think I’ve ever been in my life. I ate some dry cereal out of the box while I was getting ready then spent 20 minutes in line at the taco stand for taquitos. Ugh they were so good even though I ended up drenched in grease. Totally worth it.
oh Liz Lemon can we be friends?
3. While eating said breakfast burritos, I was reminded of the time I gained 10 pounds in one month from Whataburger taquitos. They are only available from 11pm to 11 am, and most nights I would walk across the street and order one at my old apartment (newsflash: I will never allow myself to live across the street from fast food EVER again. Seriously, the smell permeates your house and soul. It’s so hypnotic). It doesn’t take long for those extra 1100 calories to really add up… And the XL Dr. Pepper sure didn’t help. Anyway, I’ve had to quit those cold turkey.
4. They are filming the Downton wedding scene!! I swear if there is any sort of soap-opera drama story lines that cause them to not get married I will be cutting some bitches (looking at you Julian Fellowes).
And don’t even bitch at me if you haven’t seen the finale. Just effing watch it already!
5. I’m so glad Mila Kunis is talking about what losing weight for Black Swan did to her body:
“When I got down to 95 pounds, I was muscles, like a little brick house, but skin and bones. When I gained it back it went to completely different areas…I’d be happy if my a** got bigger, [but] all the weight that left my chest went to my side hip, my stomach.”
That is exactly what sucks about gaining weight. When I originally lost weight after coming off arthritis drugs in 2007, my body looked so different at this weight (and of course, I’m a few years older, but still!). But now, that I’m at this weight as a result of going up, things are in totally different places. Mainly my stomach. Obviously, my weight has never plummeted to anything below a “healthy” range, but I can’t imagine what that would do to your shape and muscle mass. Regardless, she’s 100% fabulous in my book.
6. Kate, Duchess of the Civilized World, professed a love for chocolate recently. I wonder if she ever gets to eat it? Obviously, it’s a terrible choice when in public or having your photograph taken (trust me, as an international style icon I understand this all too well) because it can be a mess and get all over your shiny white grill. Perhaps she secretly hoards it and eats it at home? I sure hope so. Life without chocolate would be so depressing.
7. Pippa recently finished a 56-mile cross-country ski race. Seriously. Damn gurl.That is impressive.
8. During a casual conversation a work, a colleague asked if I knew what “his political briefs are” and I responded with “Yes, your GOP underwear.” Only one person laughed. Two people thought I was serious. The rest didn’t even realize I was making a joke. Womp womp. Whatever. I’m funny and I know it.
9. Jessica Simpson recently confirmed that she was having a girl and gave this gem:
“I swear, I will croak if she asks me for a pair of Nikes instead of Christian Louboutins!” Jess declares. She also says she’s worried that fiance Eric Johnson’s love of sports will rub off on their new child: ‘Eric is so athletic. We’re gonna have this athletic girl and I won’t even be able to take her shopping.’”
Oh that’s right. I totally forgot that you can’t be athletic and feminine. I mean, there aren’t any athletic women who ever who like to dress up or shop.
Clockwise from top left: Venus and Serena Williams, Lindsey Vonn, Lisa Leslie, JBiel, Oscar de la Hoya
Thanks for putting us in a box Jess. Oh and I sure hope your baby daddy isn’t smart, because then your kid will be athletic and definitely ugly.
10. Speaking of JBiel, please check out this hilarious video about her binge eating confession. It’s awesome to hear that she cracked and ate 24 donuts (I feel that) like us “normal” people, but the British woman on the second half is hysterical.
11. I also finally had time to watch the latest episode of Walking Dead last night. OHFMLKJAFPO*HEQ:ENF:OQEW. What the hell was that?!?!?!?! And why doesn’t Daryl get more story lines?? He is by far the best character on that show. So moody, so complex.
Daryl is a white trash dream come true. Looooooooooooooooooooove him.
12. While searching for a good Daryl picture, I found the above hilarious meme on The Laughing Dead. Have you been there? If you are a fan of the show you must check it out, there are some pretty good ones.
And that is why I like Shane. This isn’t the time for civilized and thoughtful actions. Shoot the damn kid!!!
Terrifyingly true. Bardot and I don’t go on walks at night anymore. Also, heavy breathing has become really unnerving.
13. Carol very kindly forwarded me this picture of the Dowager Countess and her Jolie leg:
14. I’m so so so so so excited that Like Crazy is FINALLY available on DVD. I wanted to see this so badly when it came out in theaters, but it never came here. Booo.
I live for angst.
15. Caroline and I have secured our tickets for the midnight showing of Hunger Games. On the IMAX screen. Two weeks to go!!! It’s going to be the best Thursday night ever. Followed by one of the top five worst Fridays ever. I can’t believe how much harder waking up for work after three hours of sleep is now than it was five years ago.
I’m going to need it.