WTF Wednesday

My plastic fork that I’ve been using for the past two months finally broke. Such shoddy workmanship.

WTF was Gisele Bundchen thinking? She says some pretty snotty things, but criticizing her husband’s teammates is in such poor taste. I understand that she was probably frustrated and upset after their loss and that the paparazzi was hounding her, but that is just plain rude. It’s a team lady, every one failed. That includes your pretty boy husband.

Country music star Randy Travis was arrested for being drunk in front of a church late on Sunday night. WTF Randy??  Get drunk on your giant ranch dude. This story makes me laugh so hard for some reason.

I love that he rocked his trademark side- smirk in his mug shot.

Bardot has been waking up around 5 am every day for the past week and having a total meltdown. This usually involves her bum-rushing my face and then frantically scratching my arms (which is freaking rude because it hurts). So I get up, let her off the bed (she can’t jump because her cannonball body would totally crush her little legs), and take her outside.  Once outside she proceeds to put a foot on the grass, change her mind, and frantically run back into the house. I have no idea what’s going on. I even called my vet and he said that maybe she was having bad dreams. So, that’s not helpful. How do we even know pets dream? I know they “chase” things or bark at stuff in their sleep, but did some dog tell him she had a nightmare that her boyfriend cheated on her?? In the interim I will just be hugging her really tightly against me until she goes to sleep. Love her to DEATH.  Or maybe I shouldn’t let her watch Walking Dead any more. Anyway, this completely freaks me out.

Speaking of zombies, WTF happens to them if they don’t have anything to eat? Can they starve to death? The reason I ask is because on The Walking Dead a scientist shows them that when people are zombified only their brain stem is functioning therefore they operate with only the basics functions of human life (ability to walk, eat, see, hear, smell…).  So, when Rick hides in a tank and a soldier zombie comes to life who looks like he has been dead in the same spot since he was killed/bitten, what has he been eating this whole time? If they are kind of human and their brain is working, are their lungs as well? Because those bastards wheeze. Anyway, if someone could please explain to me the basic physiology of the zombie I would greatly appreciate it.

Edith Crawley is pissing me off with her desperation for any man who even acknowledges she exists. Edith, get some bitch ass self-esteem like your sisters and make them beg for your attention. WTF is up with your pitiful choices (although *snaps* for going after Matthew, it was a valiant effort).

Really girl. Quit being a little bitch and go take what is yours. You are perfectly cute, just don’t stand too close to Sybil. You are wealthy and smart and even though you are an immature brat sometimes, you do not need to be mugging down with an ugly married farmer. Really. Quit being so desperate. Why do you think fake Patrick picked you to confess to?? Ugh. Channel Lady Mary:

In the event that you have been screwed out of NBC and missed the fantastic SNL spoof commercial for Downton Abbey, you can watch it here.

Finally, last night I was watching Sleeping Beauty while I was cleaning out some drawers in my room and I realized a few very important and very unsettling things. First, who meets a man by just laying in bed all day? If that got you a boyfriend, I would have a million. That is kind of setting lazy young girls up for a huge disappointment when they grow up and lay in bed all weekend and realize that they are probably going to be alone forever (not that there is a thing wrong with that). Second, if I did in fact wake up and find a man hovering over me and kissing me, there is only one thing that would come to mind:

Seriously, that would be terrifying. And who sleeps like a corpse holding a rose? Those damn things have thorns!


Filed under WTF Wednesday

66 Responses to WTF Wednesday

  1. My little dog does some weird shit too. We used to sleep together but then I got a live-in boyfriend (I still feel guilty about this) so she now sleeps in the living room outside my bedroom. Sometimes in the middle of the night (or in the middle of “other” things) she decides she’s lonely and sits outside my door crying. Like crying like a child. And she will do it for hours if I ignore her. So, good thing I have a bed big enough for 3.

    • Reese's Runner

      Well that is not awkward at all… Bardot can’t fit in my bed if someone else is in their either. She can’t be moved and she usually pins me down by laying on the outside. So in her little bed she goes.

  2. In World War Z (a premiere zombie reference guide) the zombies don’t breathe and love to hang out in the ocean and eat people. They don’t seem to starve then either. Maybe zombies are like vampires and just get pale and sad when they don’t eat.

    I’m always stumped on this: do zombies lurch around or are they deadly fast? I feel like most movies make it seem like it goes both ways. That’s just not believable. I demand realism in my zombie tales.

    • Reese's Runner

      I’ve been wondering that too. Because they seem all slow, but then in one of the episodes the guys got chased by running zombies. Which is it!!! Also, they can’t climb, but they can go up large bleachers? Either they can go up or they just go straight!!! I agree, I need some consistency.

  3. Does Sleeping Beauty now remind you of that scene in Kill Bill when the creep tried to have his way with a comatose Uma Thurman? Just me?

  4. Okay I don’t like Edith, but I don’t like Mary EITHER! Omg Mary is the worst…she thinks she is amazing but honestly she’s kind of annoying. Sybil is GREATEST!

    Why am I so passionate about a show on PBS??

    • Reese's Runner

      WTF! I LOVE Mary. And she is amazing. I think she just has a more mature approach to her expectations and sense of duty as the eldest daughter. She doesn’t let her feelings and emotions get in the way of her what is the right thing to do. Edith is a turd.

  5. Lisa

    No shit Randy Travis. Stay home! Some of my best drunken moments are in the safety of my own home in my jammies slamming some cocktails. Getting drunk at home in your jammies is really underrated.
    I am so in love with that SNL skit. I laugh. Every time! I’m even a big enough dork that when my husband got home last night from a trip I fired up YouTube just so he could watch it and laugh with me. Sadly, he was not quite as amused as I am with the whole thing. Stoopid men.
    Even Edith’s parents don’t care about her. Remember that scene from Season 1 where they were discussing Mary and Sybil’s future? They didn’t seem to care much about what was to happen to Sybil. And, you know, she is “the other one.” ;)
    And, I don’t know how far you are into Walking Dead but in this current season you will find out what happens to a zombie who can’t feed.
    Have a great day Cely!

    • Reese's Runner

      I am all caught up on the episodes until the new one starts on Sunday. Did I miss that part or is it still coming?

  6. Oh God, there’s hope for me after all, I will find a man! Back to bed :) thanks for the laughs, you write the best posts :)

  7. Poor Edith. She may as well be covered with purple warts for as much as the men look at her.

  8. Rebecca

    I think I may be the only one…but I find Gisele odd looking. She’s kinda scary! And Tom Brady is #1 jerk for leaving pregnant Bridget Moynahan–who seems very nice and normal!–for Gisele.

  9. Crissy

    Hi Cely – love your blog! I know this is from a few days ago, but I wanted to give some unsolicited advice about your co-worker who called you a “nag”. I’d stop verbally reminding him, and just email him and copy your boss. No one wants to look bad in front of the boss. :) If he says anything to you, you can just say that you wanted to keep your boss informed. :) Have a great day!

    • Reese's Runner

      That is why he called me a nag. I had emailed him several times and then he brought it up and so asked him if he had taken care of it. Of course he said no, then told me to quit nagging him. Oh well. Not my problem if he doesn’t get his work done!

  10. I feel old that I got your Randy Travis joke. Thanks for that. I’m going to go put on some wrinkle cream now.

  11. Leslie

    1. Edith is too annoying for words. I love Mary and her bitchy self assurance. It’s amazing.

    2. Best quote I have seen so far about Gisele. She ‘appears to have an advanced degree from Gwyneth Paltrow’s charmless school.’

    3. The walking dead scares the hell out of me but I keep coming back for more.

  12. I wondered the same thing about zombies! I have no answer for you. Like, do brains actually sustain them? Are they eating when they’re hungry and stopping when they’re full, or are they just stuffing their faces with whatever humans are available? And why bother eating people at all if it makes no difference whether you eat or not? So many questions. I can’t wait for it to come back!

    That picture of Randy Travis kills me. I am so sad that I now have to look at him in any other way than a respectable father-type figure. He did the music for this animated Christmas movie Annabelle’s Wish that I used to watch all the time when I was a kid, and I always associated him with baby calf. No more.

    And yeah, wtf Gisele?! “He can’t throw the ball and catch it too!” what a bitch!

  13. Sounds to me like Bardot needs a Thundershirt. Seriously, this ish will change your/her life. I cannot imagine putting my beasts in the car without one anymore (they used to go CRAZY in the car, barking and running around and causing temporary deafness, but it keeps them totally calm). Plus it has a 100% 45-day guarantee. Heeeere you go:

    • Reese's Runner

      I’ve thought of getting her one, but this is the only time she freaks out like that. And it is so recent and out of nowhere, which is why it is so concerning.

  14. Christina

    It’s kind of sad how excited I was that SNL spoofed Downton Abbey. I thought I was the only person that ever heard of it.

  15. I cannot believe that fork broke.

  16. I went to Brownie with Laura Carmichael who plays Edith in Downton Abbey.
    Just wanted to share that!

  17. For some reason I thought zombies were dead already? But maybe that is incorrect information, I quickly need to get caught up on zombie lore. Because if they’re dead, then it doesn’t seem like they could starve to death, if human brains became a difficult commodity to come by. Have you read Pride & Prejudice & Zombies?

    • Reese's Runner

      I’m struggling with this dead/not dead thing too because on Walking Dead their brain stem is active. But there was no more information about what else functioned besides that. heart? lungs? bowels?? And they cut open one zombie to check his bowels, so obviously digestions happens.

  18. Is there a possiblity that she has a urinary tract infection? I know cats do weird things when they have one.

  19. First, can’t stand Giselle. And it was so inappropriate for her to make those remarks.

    Second, creepiest mugshot ever. SERIOUSLY.

    Third, I loved that SNL spoof from this past weekend. I taped the show because my fave band, Bon Iver, played, but seriously, even though I’m not a huge Channing Tatum fan, I thought it was a funny show. Have you considered doing a Magnificent Men Monday on Andy Samberg…just saying :)

  20. Miriam

    About Sleeping Beauty… Keep in mind that this only happens if you are a princess… who’s worth power and money! However, I agree that this story is so wrong and anti-feminist. :)

  21. Karen C

    Given my lack of ability to find a man while awake, I’m seriously considering finding a rose without thorns and sleeping on it a bit. I don’t attract crazy normally, just stupid so I might end up ok and not chopped in to 37 pieces.

    Other than that, Giselle is funny looking and her mom probably dressed her funny growing up. She needs to back off and stop saying stupid stuff and sending emails asking for prayers for games. She isn’t with Tim Tebow for God’s sake!

  22. Lisa M.

    I only just recently found your blog (like 4 days ago)- and only recently considered running a 5K (putting it off for 6 months). Hell, I’m NOT a runner… but all my friends are doing it, starting to do it, yadda yadda… So here I go keeping up with the Joneses Bitches. But I have to say your blog is making me ROTFLMFAO!!!!!! Maybe, just maybe, I’ll get inspired enough to get off my couch and “stalk”- I mean RUN BESIDE you (or likely behind you- way behind) at some race down in TX.

  23. My students have been learning about introducing quotes in their essays, and I found a great Zombie Apocalypse article on the CDC’s website. We’ve been all zombified this week. I’ll have to ask them what they think of your zombie question, as they seem to be experts.

  24. Rachel

    I have had the same thoughts about zombies in Walking Dead. Here are my thoughts:1) I don’t think they (characters in the zombie world) know that much on the zombies, which is why I think they should be doing experiments. 2) If I was on the show I would lock a zombie in a room and see what it does. I think eating slows down their decomposition, and therefore, eventually if they didn’t eat, they would rot to nothing.

    I also want to know if zombies can swim or breath under water. If I was on the show I would move to an island where I can defend it against any “swimming” zombies and that is large enough for crops and to live off of.

  25. dee

    You’ve raised some excellent points about the viability of zombies. But i thought zombies, unlike vampires, don’t need blood/flesh to survive they just crave it? That would mean they can kinda just coast by. However that doesn’t make sense if the soldier was say, bitten into being a zombie, wouldn’t he have lost blood? How do they go cavorting for people if they don’t have enough blood for the body to just work -so does blood need to pump in their veins? You’ve opened something here …. and i’m not sure where it’s going to end.

  26. Jenna

    Ahhhhh! Zombies scare me so much! I watch that show with one hand over my eyes, but I have to know what to do if/when that day comes!! My burning zombie question nobody can ever answer for me is, at what point do they stop eating you and you turn into one??? They’re not all walking/stumbling around chewed open, so what’s the deal???

  27. There are so many things in Disney stories that are creepy in real life, but Alice in Wonderland takes the cake.

    Also, WTF to this asshole talking about how he hates cheese.

  28. you are hysterical. I stumbled across your blog last week and literally read it everyday. tears sting my eyes when you don’t post… okay, so not completely, but needless to say, I like your style!!!! and I basically want to watch downton abbey because of you and only you, and your mean girls references. in a word? incredible.

  29. Sarah

    Hi – I’ve read your blog for a while (a friend introduced me!) and I just thought I’d comment on the Zombies thing. One of my good friends from college got a PhD in Neuroscience and has got a corner on the whole “Zombie Brain” thing. It’s true – there’s a Zombie Research Society, conferences, and he’s spoken with a whole bunch of people about it. So here’s a link to his blog, where he writes about the true zombie brain, and what it would look like.

    I’m not sure how useful it will be, but he’s always up for answering actual questions about Zombies, and he’s pretty cool too!

    • Reese's Runner

      I cannot wait to read more of his blog!! That is so interesting. I would never have imagined that people study zombies. Sooooo does this mean that zombies are an actual real possibility one day?

      • Sarah

        I’m not sure – but it would be pretty interesting if they were! I’m not sure I’d make it past the first round of attacks!

  30. Oh man. FUNNY SH*T!!! I was already laughing at Bardot’s cannonball body. Then I watched the Spike tv description of Downton Abbey and lost it completely. I couldn’t decide what was funnier, all the names, or people overhearing everything, or “fancy entourage”. Then you top it off with Sleeping Beauty. I should be beating men off with my thorny rose if laying in bed landed a prince!!! Guess now we know what Kate was up to until she arrived on the scene. :)

  31. Aneida

    My parents and I ate at the Gristmill in Gruene last summer and saw that Randy Travis was playing right next door at Gruene Hall that night. As we were walking to our car we saw Mr. Forever and Ever, Amen surrounded by his “people”. My dad said loudly, “Hey there’s Randy Travis…he’s so little!” Ha! I was so embarrassed for the poor guy, but he did look really frail!

    And he looks like a creepy pedophile in that mugshot.

    • Reese's Runner

      Is he short or just old man skinny?? And I looooove Gristmill!!

      • Aneida

        He looked short and old man skinny! But the shortness could have been due to the large guys walking around him. They looked like bodyguards but I didn’t even know he was still relevant enough to require bodyguards.

        • Reese's Runner

          Wow, I always imagined him as tall… So interesting. I’m sure there are some 50 something ladies that would still love to get their hands on the RT.

  32. I totally reuse my plastic forks and spoons and get mad when the break finally. Or just get too nasty to eat with. So funny :)
    And I love Disney as much as the next, but the messages are a little scattered. I mean, Ariel is 16, only wears a seashell bra, runs away from home, sells her soul, and then gets married? Just saying…

  33. Victoria

    Ok so I never comment. I have been reading for about a year and when I started I lived in dub c. Yes I lived in shit hole too. I always thought about seeing if you wanted to run but chickened out…based on your entire post on merging the show with Mean Girls quotes I kind of hate myself for chickening out because I am sure we would have been peeing our pants the entire run…but I mean we would have peed from laughter…not just from weak pelvic muscles due to lack of….ok this is awkward. Anyways, love the blog. Read it everyday. You. Rock.

  34. The rapist picture has given me a few laughs throughout the night! Thanks for that!

  35. I don’t understand zombies either – but I can not wait for The Walking Dead to start again :-)

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