Initially I was feeling really mopey about being single during the holidays. It’s lonely. I don’t have a built in “plus one” to holiday parties, no one to kiss on New Year’s Eve (and I’m not making out with a stranger), and when I drink too much it becomes tragic instead of comical. Being single changes the entire meaning of being a drunk. But, I’ve decided to depart from my normal train of thought and focus on the positive side to being single during the holidays.
1. No unsolicited, unfounded, and unwanted opinions about your choice in Christmas decor. At last, my Little Mermaid ornaments and I are at peace.
2. You save so much money. No buying expensive crap for that special someone in your life and their giant family. It’s just you and your big fat wad of cash. Go spread it on your bed (which you no longer have to share with a cover hogging, snoring beast) and sleep on it. Just be careful and don’t reunite pre- Christmas/Hannukah or you will be SOL in the gift department.
3. No more tears and drama over holiday plans. Farewell to “we will go to my parents for 22 minutes, your mom’s for 27, your dad’s for 21, your ex-stepsister’s for 15, your grandma’s for 18, my grandma’s for 19, run back to our place to pee and do gifts for 7, my aunt’s for 27, your nephew’s for 8, your brother’s for 6, and my grandfather’s ex-wife’s sister’s for 12.” You go where you want when you want. And if you are lucky, that place is serving alcohol and you rode with your parents. You suddenly aren’t driving around all day and you have a solid buzz with a designated driver. You win.
4. Again, not having to deal with someone else’s family. It’s such a big deal it deserves multiple spots. Even if you LOVE that family, you automatically reduce the number of bad foods you have choke down, presents to buy, hours spent procuring cage-free and acid-free wrapping paper for his hippie sister, days spent wrapping gifts, frequency that you cut your hand on the damn tape dispenser, awkward hugs, pretending to love things you don’t, painful and exhausting small talk, and fake smiling your way to holiday nirvana by at least 50%.
5. Less holiday stress and drama. It’s hard enough dealing with your own expectations and responsibilities, now you don’t have someone else’s crazy rubbing off on you.
6. Don’t fret that you have lost your date for your holiday parties, revel in the fact that you won’t have to answer the following questions for once this year:
- why aren’t y’all engaged?
- when are you getting married?
- why aren’t you married?
- when is he going to ask you?
- why hasn’t he asked you?
- what’s wrong with you?
- how did you get him to date you?
- why aren’t you married?
See?? That’s awesome.
7. And keeping with the holiday party happiness, you also don’t have to attend his parties and spend three hours having your boobs visually molested by his creeper boss.
8. No one to give you judgmental looks and panicked glances when you polish off the entire batch of sugar cookies you “made for work.”
9. You can spend New Years Eve with the “flu” and wallow on the couch with a jar of Nutella, two bottles of wine, your obese dog, and Love Actually and ain’t nobody gonna be there to say SHIT about it.
10. The Advent calendar chocolate is all yours. Twenty-four glorious little chunks of chocolate heaven. And you don’t even have to open them one day at a time, you can go hog wild and just maul that bitch all at once if you need to.
11. Take advantage of your tragedy. Use other people’s pity for you and your sad sack of a situation to get out of events you hate. Such as, “I would love to come to your rockin’ sugar-free tofu gingerhouse building party but going to events alone is just still too hard on me. Maybe next year?” See?? They’ll give you pity face or pity hug or awkward pity pat on the arm and you are FREE (do go do number 9 or even 10 if you haven’t already done so)!
12. No one to hold you accountable for your New Year’s resolutions or your total failure at them two days after the fact.
Why are you happy to be single (or wishing you were single) during the holidays?
`
I’m totally with you on the family thing. It’s hard enough to deal with MY crazy family, nevermind his. And then deal with his reactions to my crazy family. And the week between Christmas and New Year’s? Totally mine to have TV on DVD marathons and be a complete bum (especially awesome since that’s the week before my first marathon).
Big props for finding the bright side!!!
We do the same thing! Six season of Sex and the City?? Here we come!
I am not single, but I am slightly envious of the whole sitting on the couch with nutella and two bottles of wine on New Years Eve! It’s so overrated and all I want to do is drink in my “safe place”, laugh (or cry) at the TV and go to sleep…hopefully some time before midnight! Can we say old?!? I’m 27 by the way!
P.S. Christmas Vacation is my FAVORITE movie and I quote it at least once a day!
You’re living the dream! Have fun in Vegas :)
I know I LOVE that movie. I watch it with my family and we laugh so hard we cry. And you can come be old with me (high five to the ancient 27 year olds!).
All of this. Last year was so nice. Just to be able to relax and not have to worry. Totally selfish but 100% deserved. SEE YOU TOMORROW!
Not to be a total downer, but the marriage questions don’t stop once you’re single. And worse, you get asked if you’ve found that “special someone” or why you aren’t dating at every family function. It’s really great!
I think I’m going to start telling people I’m married to a hermit and no they can’t meet him. Oh we can’t have children. Done and done.
This comment just made me literally snort with laughter into my cup of hot tea.
You make me laugh! Sidenote – the Reese’s bells are not good. Stick with the cups.
Amen sister, A-MEN!
in-laws in-laws in-laws in-laws in-laws in-laws in-laws in-laws in-laws in-laws
My friend sent out a message to everyone before thanksgiving that if they wanted to break up with their S.O.’s they needed to do it now or else they’d have to ride out all holidays until valentines day. Haha.
Not single but I’ll be sitting my ass right on the couch for the holidays with a jar of nutella too. Yum.
It’s 8:20 am and this may have made my day. Granted it’s early, but still. A strong candidate for what will make me happiest today.
Thanks for writing this as I was planning on writing the opposite in the style of The Grinch! In fact I am so Grinch like right now that I may still do it when I am feeling extra grumpy.
Perhaps we should skype date to watch Love Actually on New Years Eve. I promise that the smell of cats and pee won’t come at you via the power of the internet ;)
I too may still go Grinch at it too, we still have a long road to go before January 1st!
Love this. It’s my first Christmas in 3 years that I don’t have to go spend the entire holiday at BOTH sides of his family’s house while we’re not allowed to go to mine. And it’s glorious to not have to spend money on his 13 yearold sister who already has 4 iphones, 2 macbooks, 17 northfaces, and a ready made corvette. Nothing quite ruined the holiday spirit like his mother screaming at us last year that he didn’t really want to marry me anyway. (she’s actually insane, so don’t feel too bad for me). Looks like I win all around. Fantabulous post :)
OH God. That’s awful. You win, you win it all. Worst story ever. I would have spent the rest of the day hiding in the car crying and eating.
What is sad is that I could have an entire blog dedicated to the woman, but since I don’t really want to end up in court for defamation of character- I’ve decided to opt against slamming her and directed my focus towards him. You know how they say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree….
do you have a blog? cuz if so, I need to be reading it!
I apparently don’t know how to reply to comments because I’ve tried 3 times and it keeps dissapearing. I either really suck at life or you now have 3 separate answers from me all in one place.
You sold me on the nutella, wine, and love actually! (I dont have a dog) But I’m not happy to be single, but I make the best of it and read ridiculous things like these quotes :http://love.allwomenstalk.com/awesome-quotes-about-being-single/
it almost helps…
I feel ya Karli, I’m too am not happy at all. Watch movies about relationships that go soooooooooo wrong like War of the Roses. And go buy some more booze!
You are the bombdiggety! How I wish I had your hutzpah back in the day!!
LOVE this post :)
Can we arrange a “Yes I’m newly single and trying not to have anxiety attacks hourly” meet and greet for NYE? Most overrated holiday EVER!
I’m definitely happy I dont have to buy that iPad he wanted … More Champagne and Fro-Yo for me!
Thanks for making me laugh this morning!!!
oooo I’d attend that NYE party.. any chance you’re in NYC? lol
Yes, we shall meet at 9 pm to get our drink on. Your place or mine?
haha! This is awesome…I’m not single but the part I HATE is the gift buying…not even for his family but HIM! I am just so bad at getting great cute creative gifts…aughhh…
Thank you so much, I needed this today.
Sitting on the couch while eating Nutella and watching Love Actually is practically my Christmas tradition.
Some people would call that sad, I just call it single girl AWESOME.
By the way, your blog is pretty much my favorite thing on the internets.
Exactly, it is AWESOME!! Nothing sad about doing your favorite things!
“And if you are lucky, that place is serving alcohol and you rode with your parents.” A to the MEN.
Totally single, and living in NYC. NOTHING is worse for me than having to try to explain the dating scene in the city to my conservative, elderly relatives.
A. I LOVE LOVE LOVE your name.
B. Yikes, I bet that is awkward.
Single since Halloween weekend for the first time in 3 years… and I absolutely LOVED this post. This totally made me think about what I don’t have to deal with this year – mood swings he has when his family drives him nuts! No more mood swings! I no longer have to deal with a somewhat bipolar personality during the holidays!
My day just got a little brighter haha. See you in Vegas – I’ll be running too :-)
Then we shall get together and toast to a mood-swing free December!!!
My long-term boyfriend and I split up recently for a few months to work on our own separate issues, and now we are back together. That makes being around his family reeeeally awkward, though, because I keep getting those “You’re the b*tch that broke my little baby’s heart for 2 months!” looks. So I’m sure Christmas will be equally entertaining, or maybe I’ll get lucky, and we’ll get into a fight over who is going where when for the holidays, and I’ll get to go to my house, while he stays at his. Nah, I’m kidding (kind of…)
Anyway, it really is much less complicated to be single during the holidays! enjoy it while you can!
Awww that sucks. Awkward. And I think you have a perfectly reasonable plan. Why do you always have to be together?
I wish I were single during the entire 14 hour car ride to his parents’ house each Christmas.
Haha, maybe you should learn to play dead?
God, I love that movie. Great post!
I’ve been married a long time and, sadly, some of this stuff never changes. Dealing with the fams and questions moving from “When are you getting married?” to “When are you having kids?” Uh, never. I envy you so this year!
I snorted coffee out of my nose when I saw the “pajama jeans” photo. Ow!
hahaha Cheryl I’m sorry about the coffee I hope your nose is ok! but that comment made me laugh so hard!
HAHAHA. As a recently single gal as well (oh, you want to end our 3 year relationship over the phone? That’s cool.), I really needed to read this. Epic and true, as always.
Ugh, same here. Maybe it ends over the phone because it’s safer for both parties (i.e. people don’t get hit with flying kitchen appliances)?
I think you should reconsider the whole “making out with strangers” thing. There is some fun to be had there, my friend. (But agree that you shouldn’t do it on New Years Eve, that will almost always backfire on you)
Hi! I’ve been creeping on your blog for a while and I love it. I just wanted to let you know that I absolutely loved your post today. I’m sitting at my desk laughing and I’m pretty sure everyone around me thinks I’m crazy and knows I’m not actually working…like I care.
The things about your post I loved the most: Christmas Vacay references (my favorite Christmas movie), Love Actually reference (second favorite Christmas movie), Nutella and wine-LOVE IT.
You are so right about dealing with a significant other during the holidays. I’ve been with my spouse for about 6 years. I love his family and we have the holiday party thing worked out but it is just a total pain in the arse sometimes. I miss the single days when I could get drunk on Christmas Eve with my family, get in a truck and go spread Christmas cheer to our unsuspecting friends by planting a tree in their front yard in the middle of the night….those were the days. Enjoy being single!
Get single again and let’s hang out. that sounds like an awesome Christmas!!!!
Don’t tempt me! It would definitely make things easier other than us having a kid and having to shuttle him back and forth. Guess I’ll stay married…
I want to go plant a tree in someones yard!!!!!!
Maybe I should dump the in-laws this year. You all could come to Missouri and party down with my dysfunctional family.
Not wishing I was single, but I am wishing I didn’t have family. The tour de dysfunction on the holidays is so exhausting. But everyone has to see the kids, and give them a bunch of shitty toys, a load my car to the roof with those toys, and then the toys will break in a week, and then I have a house full of broken toys.
Just livin’ the dream dude, just living the dream.
As always, you make me laugh… and kinda want to be single… but if I did that today, karma would intervene and you’d be engaged tomorrow and then I’d be SOL and lonely ;) I bought myself a Kindle Fire as an early Christmas present. BF is buying himself an iPod Touch. No suprises and we both get what we want. That’s the way to go, anyway. And I convinced his family that we shouldn’t do adult gifts (gifts between the adults, not XXX gifts… those would be fine!), so we can avoid things like the time she gave his ex-gf and her daughter-in-law matching flannel pajamas. Or avoid the awkwardness of selling a $50 cashmere scarf at a garage sale… right back to the aunt that gave it to me last Christmas… oops :) Also, even when you are in a relationship, cutting down on family presents under the partly sincere/part guise of “the true meaning of Christmas is Baby Jesus and such” really just leaves more room in the liquor budget :)
Hahahaha I totally agree about no adult gifts. Just gives the kids cheap shit because they break it anyway and go get drunk.
This has nothing to do with this post — just wanted to scream VEGAS!!! on your blog.
Also, these captions made my day.
VEGASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!! I’ll be there before you MUWHAHAHAHAH
Even though I am married, I totally agree with the “up side” to being single during the holidays. Your hilarious perspective on the silver lining is amazing!
I love Christmas Vacation!!!
This is great Cely! Good for you finding the bright side of things. I loved the “I’d love to be there but I’d rather pump sewage pantless!” haha! you are awesome at captions! put that on your resume
I’m a long time lurker, first time commenter, and I have to say that this is seriously the best blog post I’ve read so far this holiday season! I haven’t been single during the holidays for four years and I’ve been pretty depressed — you’re right, it’s lonely! This post made me smile and feel a little better about it.
Want to come to Texas and get drunk with me?
Um YES but only if it’s immediately followed by binge eating something really unhealthy but delicious. Obv.
This post made my day. I’m married, but my husband is away for a couple weeks and I was thinking about making cookies for the office…and eating copious amounts of batter in the process, free from judgement.
I have spend the last 5 Christmas with my in-laws, this year is our first time with my family.
Isn’t that the ONLY reason to make the cookies? To eat the batter? Otherwise, what is the point?? Go get it girl!
I can totally relate! I was with my ex for 7 years, we werent married so yes all those annoying questions came on a weekly basis. I dont have to deal with his total beech of a sister who claimed I was “too fat” to be in her wedding. Mind you at the time I had just lost about 50lbs and was weighing about 113 at 5’1… yes I am SOOOOO happy to be single this year ;)
Dog + Wine + Nutella + Love Actually = I may or may not have done this last night
Um… I’m not expert but 113 at 5’1 is not fat. Ever. Under any circumstances. What a bitch. Hopefully she explodes after having children.
HAHA! She sooooo did! I was more pissed because she made that comment when she was easily close to 200 herself!
Either way, you and I will both enjoy our drunken (solo) holiday time :)
duh. 113 is my goal weight and i’m 5’1, so you’re right Cely 113 at that height will NEVER be fat.
I agree the Reese’s bells are awful, stick with the half pound cups. This will be my third single ‘holiday’ season in a row and I have honestly gotten quite used to it! Being drunk is still fun if you’re with the right friends, it also leaves more time to spend with my best friend watching Bridesmaids and playing Dance Central to keep her out of single lady misery. Oh and on NYE, (if a place down there exists) you can dress up all hot and revel the night away with the comfort that you get to go home to your own bed ALONE. I’ll take that over a NYE kiss anyday! They are so overrated.
True story, not having to share a bed is highly overrated. I am starting to understand why my grandparents slept in separate rooms for the past 20 years. Just makes life better.
While I’m not single, I did show this post to my bf who found it hilarious and decided to go read up on you and some past posts. He’s asking me a million questions about you like I know you in real life and we don’t live half a country away (NY here), informing me you’re a “Red Raider”, and quoting you to me. Thought you’d enjoy – happy Thursday :)
Hahahaha I’m just glad he knows what a “Red Raider” is. He’s a winner in my book!
You are hilarious. It’s amazing that after reading that I was actually kind of bummed that I am not single for the holiday’s. (If he makes fun of my ornaments I will just stab him)
And if you stab him with ornament hooks the hole will be so tiny no one will ever know…
You are on some genius-next level type shit.
LOL In my idea there is as much advantages and disadvantages to be single and not during the holiday. While this year I’m not single, I was last year. I had my step sister as my date (and I was her date) to every parties and enjoyed the fact that I was able to RELAX, do whatever I want with my time, not having to buy anyone I don’t know some presents and avoid running around like a chicken without a head. This year I have a thousand parties that my bf and I already had to settle in advance so we don’t end up disappointing anyone by our absence (!). Both of our parents are divorced and remarried which is making things (very) complicated. Perhaps I won’t have any hair left on my head by January 3rd, no more money in my bank account and some weight to shred as a new year resolution! :)
Some of my friends were in the same parents situation and I remember her saying they spent an entire Christmas just sitting in the car crying. Soooo don’t do that! Good luck and take a flask!
I always like that you answer back :)
I had to look up for the meaning of “take a flask” you know, my first language is French… the urban dictionary is so convenient! Rest assured, booze will happen! Isn’t the holiday synonym of getting drunk with all your family anyway… and eat until you blow? All that while looking pretty and wearing this dress you only wear once year because it’s too Christmassy…
I want in on the SATC marathon. I do that at least once a year when not bombarded by the outside world.
Fly to Austin on December 26th, we will pick you up. Bring a fluffy robe and a pillow.
Can I wear some pajama jeans? and perhaps a scrunchie?
#10 almost made me pee my pants I laughed so hard. My BF always, ALWAYS waits until the last minute to think about Christmas presents for his family. I am all done with Christmas shopping for my family. He hasn’t even started. Last year, I ended up doing it all. Then, we show up to his sister’s on Christmas and he “forgot” to mention everyone that was coming…all that had gifts for us but we did not have a gift in return. This year, I am flying back to IL alone leaving him to deal with it. HA!
Ugh that sucks HARD. Good call on the going solo at Christmas!!
Though I may be dating someone in essence I am single for the Holidays as he goes to his families home and I go to mine. For NYE he works (boo to the news) and I will be celebrating a friends 30th. Neither of us stress about playing the “couple” and going everywhere together. I plan on copious amounts of champagne and OJ for Christmas and New years. As well as not staying out late, watching PS I love you because self torture of the heart is amazing and eating moose tracks ice cream till I can’t feel my mouth.
I cannot even deal with that movie. Just thinking about it makes me weepy! They once played it on the giant screen in the cinema cardio room at my gym and I was sobbing whilst ellipticalling. BAD IDEA!
Omg, I love you and your blog. Period. I really admire you for being so strong during such a tough time. :)
Luckily for me only our immediate family lives nearby so we don’t have to deal with an entire extended family during the Holidays. Although awkward when he tells you not to buy anything for his younger sister and you tell him to do the same for yours. Then you show up to his house on Christmas and she has a present for you…oops.
Don’t you hate that!!! Brian used to do that to me and I wanted to shank him for it!!!
Thank you for this post! I am one of the eternally single girls and live at least 2000 miles away from my nearest relative. I will be lone-ing it during the holidays! Is it bad that I did the Love Actually thing last weekend minus the Nutella? I totally didn’t even think about that but would have made it that much better!
You’re always welcome to come to Eastern Washington and remember what it was like to be a poor grad student. But our kids could play! :)
Keep your chin up! You are the shiz and can do this!!
I am eternally single as well (and actually love it), so usually these posts of lonely during the holidays as a singleton are lost on me, but Cely just made my day with her post!
Being single is awesome in general – you never have anyone to answer to or be “normal” for…like the time I tried to bake Christmas cookies for a work party and burned them, then cried hysterically at my ineptitude, then said eff it, I’m gonna go buy some cookies for work, sit down on the couch and continue crying while watching Twilight, drinking wine and “accidentally” eating the cookies you just bought for work. You never have to worry about anyone your S.O. witnessing that!
And the key for NYE is to start binge drinking during lunch with your other single friends so that by the time you need to get ready to “go out” to grown-up parties (you know, all those parties had by friends who are married and/or with children and have this ONE night to go balls to the wall), you are too drunk to drive anywhere or function, which is always a perfect excuse for avoiding any social activity. Or you just get so drunk you pass out until the next morning with 38 missed calls and 193 text messages from your friends wondering where you are; now you have a legit excuse!
Drinking solves so many problems…
And good luck in Vegas dominating the half marathon! Just remember, you have 4+ hours to finish, so enjoy the journey! ;)
That just sounds like a regular Tuesday in my house. Start drinking at noon, pass out by 8. Done and done.
I love this post!! It is so true, & as I will be in in-law turmoil in approx 3 hours I am SO FREAKING JEALOUS. love you miss you. Oh also jealous of da thunda you will get to enjoy this wknd! I am praying you & ms mills get pulled on stage & touch some delightful abs! :) DO NOT forget your camera & take a back up in case you drop it… lol
I will pray for you Chels!! You can do it. Go take a shot of Lady Milagro and put B on a diet for the day!! Between Laura and I, we can break EVERYTHING. I’m going to tape our cameras to our hands.
You know what’s even better than the family crap? When they all volunteer YOU to host Christmas at your house!! That’s right. Lucky me, I get to clean, cook and bake for 35 people!!! I just might jump off a bridge!
you need to get a fake deadly illness. Seriously. Hey guys, sorry but I got Cholera…
Heck YES sistah!!!
I broke up with my ex in March. Come July I was wallowing in self pity about not having anyone to cuddle with during fireworks. A mere six months later, I am SINGLE and LOVING it and DATING and actually ENJOYING riding solo. I get to do what I want, when I want and HOW I want. Plus I’m no longer attached to someone I don’t really love….
Love and Life is a journey. You’re in a good place. Keep trucking on.
ps. me+booze+sad single= not fun. I FEEL you on that. I’d rather eat my sorrows….but that’s a whole other set of shit :)
xo
You’re awesome! Love the blog, please don’t ever stop!
I’m married but we just decided to opt out on both sides of the family and huddle in our house at Christmas and spoil our children ridiculously so we can unleash our monsters with entitlement mentality on society. What?
I even get out of NYEve things by pleading “oh but the kids want to do something” and we huddle in our house on that night too and pop balloons filled with sparkly confetti at midnight while I scar my children by drinking oodles of champagne and pretending I am an AWESOME singer on Rock Band.
So really it seems the only solutions are to stay single or to get married and pop out instant children that you can use as an excuse to avoid any and all functions that you do not wish to attend. And by the time they are gone and I no longer can use them as an excuse hopefully everyone will have finally realized that I am just a hopeless selfish spoiled brat who only likes to do things my way and they won’t bother us anymore.
But once your kids leave then you get to use the “but the kids are home and we NEVER see them” like my mom does. It just gets better. And you can lie, no one really knows if they are there or not.
It really is unhumane to raise wrapping paper in a cage, so I have to side with your ex’s hippie sister on that one. :)
I’m just happy about saving money. Relationship presents tend to be the most expensive and high pressure ones on my list.
I know, wrapping paper should be allowed to roam freeeeeeeee!!!!
I’m not single but damnit I miss having my money to myself. I finally got used to spending a pre-determined amount on my parents and even getting the occasional “I don’t want anything. You are my Christmas present” when I gave them the sad face. Now, I have a boyfriend who LOVES video games, tech toys, and everything in the $$$ price range but dresses like he’s 20. So that means getting him stuff he wants, and stuff he NEEDS so I don’t have to try to explain his “look” when we go out in public.
Are you dating my college boyfriend? Sounds just like that… And yeah nothing wrong with giving clothes so they don’t look like an idiot.
Girl you are living in my head. I have done/said most of these.
I sit in a cube at work, within spitting distance of an office of a woman who complains all the time about everything. Yesterday she spent 30 minutes compalining about how it tokk her and her family (husband, 3 y.o. son, 11 month old son & 14 y.o.stepson) 2.5 hours to have their pictures taken for their Cgristmas cards. “The photographer should know how to pose us, its her job and I made her redo all the pictures”. So thankful that I don’t have to endure 1) Christmas photos 2) all the energy spent bitching about them.
Her family must have wonky smiles or something. And what did she expect? Pictures are a pain in the ass!!
Lame. Totally lame. I just take pictures of my kids acting like morons and print them out on a card. People like them better than the “we are so perfect” photos anyway. Besides, I only send Christmas cards to people I actually like and they all know we aren’t perfect at my house. I hate lame people. If she gives you one of her precious cards you should draw moustaches on everyone.
I wrote about this too!!! You are so funny! BUUUUT, I didn’t put quite as good of a spin on it as you! I took the $$ that I spent on him last year and bought myself a keurig! And a new TV!! And some new running tights!!! Luckily, I am making everyone else gifts because now I’m broke :)
You can totally buy your way out of misery, nothing wrong with that!
well personally ive been single for the past 5 holiday seasons so unfortunately im kinda used to it…however for the first time this year i’m not doing the whole big nye thing…i live in nyc (awseome at times but nye an expensive disaster) so i plan to get a bottle of champagne and just go to bed…im so excited to only spend 3 dollars on a classy bottle of andre’s champagne and eat as much food as i want in sweat pants instead of worrying about fitting into some slutty dress so some stranger can feel me up on the dance floor…my friend rang in the new year like that a couple years ago and she said it was the best thing so im giving it a shot!
i also would love to pull out a 27 dresses moment and when someone pitty’s me for being single i respond with “yes but then i remember that I still get to have hot hate sex with random strangers and I feel so much better” if you have the courage to do so at any xmas party or in front of family i will worship you
Hahaha, this is perfect! Love it.
This post is beyond awesome and true. As a girl living in SF with ALL non-single friends (everyone is living with bfs, getting engaged) I always, always feel like the one left out. Way to focus on the positive! I’ll be taking that $$ and spending it on buying myself a new pair of pretty Frye boots.
BTW, this is totally creepy and I’m just going to put it out there. I’ve never met you but you totally remind me of Emma Stone, who I’ve never met either. So this is getting creepier. But hopefully you take that as a compliment because she’s GORG and smart and sassy and is dating a total hottie.
And I’m done.
That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. If I could just learn to be awkward and hot at the same time I ok could snag Ryan Gosling. S
Ahhh I love this post! I am married but am seriously considering that deadly illness excuse to stay away from the in-laws… seriously.
What is with people and the questions! Why, when, why, when! Mind your own ^%$#ing business. When I chose to get married it was between me and the mister. No one else played any role so why ask? And now… when are we having children…. its like a vicious cycle of nosy questions. It seems like no matter the answer, people always have an opinion too. If one more person tells me that I am 28 and “better hurry” Im going to lose it.
I so want in on the pajama, drunk, binge eating party now!
LOVE this post. I may end up doing just that on NYE too! HA. I want in on the pajama party/wine-drinking party too!
THANK YOU for this! My boyfriend and I called it quits right before Thanksgiving. It’s a tough transition from a long-term relationship everyone thought would end in marriage, to well, nada. This post made me laugh instead of cry– you rock!
when my longtime bf and i broke up in november, i took the money i would have spent on him, his fam, traveling, blah, blah, blah and bought myself a kickass purse and spa package. treat yourself!
This post made me laugh out loud. I actually read it twice, once really quickly because
I couldn’t help myself, and then again really savoring all your humorous points. Truth: after reading this posting I kinda wish I was single for the holidays.
I’m married, but Christmas isn’t that big in The Netherlands, so it’s not that bad.
But I had to share my favourite christmas song: Being alone at Christmas. So happy :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7FWj1l8DSC8
(a) New Years is the most overrated holiday/celebration/way too fuckin hyped up thing ever. Last year I decided to set the bar way low for it. Like so low no one could limbo under it. And it ended up being a fabulous time! I highly recommend doing that.
(b) As a single 26 year old myself, I have found that treating boys like disposable objects is the best way to deal with being single. Some nice age appropriate and sweet and intelligent man will come along. Until then, I find that making out with 22-year old hot boys is a cheap form of therapy. They serve their purpose, aka make out buddy, and it’s not like you want to date a 22-year old any way so you can just ditch them when your done. Kind of cruel but I highly recommend this as well.
Girl, you should seriously be a comedy writer! LOVE the blog! Keep it comin!
This is hilarious! And much needed (who breaks up with their gf of two years…over the phone…the week before thanksgiving?!?) I will definitely be spending NYE with my dog and a bottle of champagne on my couch watching Love Actually now. Thanks for looking at the upside!
I’m not single, and just had huge drama over my BF backing out of spending Christmas with my family. Besides the emotional drama, I’m actually kind of excited about it. This means more king crab legs for me on Christmas eve (fam tradition) and no judgment when I eat most of the cookies that I “baked for Santa.” This also means I can watch a Christmas Story on repeat all day (another fam tradition) and it gets a little funnier every time, as I get a little drunker.
My personal favorite of your list was #9. Hilarious.
I have this habit of always being single around the holidays. I think there have only been 3 holidays in my life that I was in a relationship. This sucks only because I perpetually miss out on Christmas & birthday gifts (my birthday is actually New Years Eve) from a significant other, but often have to buy non-Christmas-season birthday people gifts while we’re together. Rude.
I love this post! My exbf ripped my heart out and ate it for breakfast back in March. I know, get over it already. Well, we dated for the better part of 6 years and were living togther the last 2 (I know, i know, that never works out. My mom already told me so.). Anyway, most days are still a bummer, especially all of the holiday memories and routines we had in place these last 6 years..but this offered a much needed perspective on a crap situation! I can always count on you for that!