I’m Going to the Big D and I Don’t Mean Dallas (or Divorce)

I mean “Dropping Out.” So you remember how I’m supposed to run the Dallas Rock ‘n’ Roll Half Marathon next weekend? 

Welp, I just got FYI’d that I will be working next Saturday and possibly on Sunday. Fantastic. Whatever, at least I’m lucky enough to have a job to even piss me off. So that is out. Anyone want to be my best friend forever and pretend to be me and pick up my packet and mail it to me (I will paypal you back!). You can even keep or give my bib and tag to a friend to run it for free, I just want my shirt (because the only reason I run races is so I can get a shirt because people don’t believe I can actually run). I will send you my confimation sheet and I’m not worried about you stealing my identity. I literally have nothing but debt to offer you, I would love a reason to blame it on someone else. Email me at runningoffthereeses@gmail.com.

Anyway, I’m going to be significantly revamping my running/workout plan this weekend. Now that I have that race off my back, I can start some new things sooner. Instead of just running really slowly a few times a month, I’m going to try to get speed work in, a long run, and some other quality exercise. Stay tuned, it should be special.

I’m also reading this for motivation:

I honestly knew nothing about him. Nothing except that people about peed themsevles when they met him at races. And now I know why. The man is legit. I fell deeply in love with him when he confirmed something I’ve long suspected, “Running is not fun. It’s too hard to be fun.” Now I tell people all the time who recently started running and can’t make it a few blocks that running is hard, give it time, it sucks a lot, it’s painful, it’s exhausting, but one day it will get better. What the heck am I talking about?? Running is hard and I don’t want to go for a run 99% of the time. I only feel better after I finish and I realize I didn’t actually die. So there. Running is hard and it sucks a lot. I’m going to keep doing it because I need a hobby and SOMETHING to get me outside and actually doing something that doesn’t involve a keyboard or a phone. So running misery it is.

And I ate so much the past few days that I’ve actually lost sight of my jaw bone. My gigantor neck and cheeks have swallowed it whole. I haven’t weighed myself and I refuse to do so until April 1. I’m just going to live in denial and hope I can April fools myself into thinking the scale won’t say what I know it will. My aunt sent us an email saying she got a butt lift gone wrong.

My parents and I laughed so hard we cried. If that makes us bad people so be it. And now I have to go because my mom is starting to figure out that I’m “typing on a webpage” and asking how she can find it. And I’m afraid my garbage can chic hairdo might scare away business.


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7 Responses to I’m Going to the Big D and I Don’t Mean Dallas (or Divorce)

  1. The Hungry Runner Girl

    Bummer about work:( I love 50 50…..that line stood out to me too, it is hard for everyone!!! Excited to see the speed work etc. That picture made me laugh SO hard.

  2. theAlmostRunner

    i'm about one muffin away from that picture. sorry about work, but i'm excited to see your updates about speed runs and stuff, too.

  3. Michelle...

    All I could notice was how shockingly small that woman's legs are…although this perception may just be warped by the rest of her.

    Bummer you have to work…I hope you get someone to pick up your packet so you can get a sweet shirt.

    ps: my word verification was: excricryi, which I think is the word for how much I want to cry after exercise that involves running.

  4. Megan

    welp, my five year old just came up behind me and said "omg she has boobies on her back" when he saw that picture. So the fact that my kids know what boobs are, coupled with the fact that its 11:22pm and they're still awake makes me an AWESOME parent! I live in corp-ass christi like you and would actually LOVE to run with you. My goal: lose some may-juh l-bs! Let me know if you're interested! you're hi-freakin-larious, by the way. just sayin….

  5. Carina

    I should be able to go to PPU for you and mail your shirt. I'll check my sched and make sure I'm going and I'll email you if I can.

  6. skinnyrunner.com

    ummmmmm…. next time you steal my picture can you at least link back to me?!

  7. Running Girl

    Work sucks. :-( I'm bitter because I have meetings all day & can't sneak out for an afternoon run. Jeesh. Just because they are paying me, they think they can make me work?! Crazy people.
    And, that picture is wrong on so many, so many levels. Classic!

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