Bad News. Bad News Everywhere.

Last night I was running on the treadmill at the gym when a lady started running next to me. We eventually started chatting about what a shitastic job they (I don’t know who “they” is, but they suck) do on the closed captioning (they confuse the entire meaning of statements with the typos). Eventually we started discussing running and I learned that she was in her 70′s and had been running almost every day for close to 40 years. She then said something I found absolutely terrifying, “You have to do it most days of the week for the rest of your life or you’re not going to make it.”
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What. WHAT!!! I honestly don’t think  I ever thought about exercise over the course of a lifetime. I realize how absurd that sounds, but shit, I have to do this for possibly 50 more years?

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I understand that the older you get the better care you have to take of your body, but I don’t know what I really thought about the fact that I would be getting older and that I would have to take care of my own body in similar fashion. I honestly think somewhere in my head I thought “Oh, I’ll exercise for a while, get in better shape, then I can go back to my lifestyle of 100% leisure 100% of the time.”

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Ugh. This revelation is completely disturbing. I know that the my older relatives who have stayed mobile and worked to maintain their health and physical ability have a far better quality of life than those who don’t, but I honestly never thought about the fact that my body is going to get older and so much worse (in all the ways).

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Then the line from my favorite novel, “East of Eden,” came flooding back to me: “No one who is young is ever going to be old…” I’M THAT PERSON. I’m going to get old. My arthritis is going to get worse. My body is going to cling to its fat stores more desperately. What if I waste it? What if I’m always alone? What if I’m 80 and all my friends realize what a huge jerk I actually am and leave me?!?! Damnit.

Then, I sat in my car and freaked out because it’s all just going to by so quickly and one day I will be 80 (I hope) and then what!?! I eventually talked myself down and realized that I have to make more of an effort to take care of myself. So, I’m going to start by focusing on making healthy choices during the week (not all the things all the time):

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And limiting drinking to weekends and in mostly reasonable quantities.  Vivien-Leigh-Scarlett-vivien-leigh-22268581-303-235
It’s too early to give up pizza and beer, but I could certainly stand to have less of it. I just honestly dread the thought of exercising for all eternity. I’m always fine with my choice to do it after I’ve completed it, but it takes so much to convince myself to go to the gym for an hour when I could be reading instead. It’s a hard and illogical sale. Cely, you could read and be 100% happy, or you could go sweat and be miserably hot for an hour with strangers. Let me think…. Oh well. I guess I just need to get over it. There’s a long road ahead. There was a point in time when I didn’t have to wake up and go to work all day every weekday, but I somehow manage to make myself do it over and over again. So, I guess I will just have to apply the same philosophy here. It’s a necessary evil.

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I hope you enjoyed all of my Scarlett gifs as I am still deep into GWTW. I like to take my time reading it and really just soak up all of that crazy goodness. Also, I found this which has given me endless glee:

meangirlsgwtw3-jpfSo perfect.

In summation, I’m going to get old one day (hopefully) and I’m not sure how I feel about it. Did you know that you might too?? I feel like I need a red Corvette and a 24-year-old boyfriend named Seth or Ethan.

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WTF Wednesday

I spent the majority of the past few days at work proofreading indices for PDF copies of our university catalogs. At some point my mouse moved without my knowledge and when I looked up I was very confused to find that the pages were all in order in the list. I couldn’t understand how the words weren’t in alphabetical order, but suddenly the numbers were in numerical order. It took me so many minutes to realize I was somehow up in the table of contents. I had about lost my mind.

At least once a day I have to type “I’m an idiot” as either an apology or preface to some idiotic question. I say once a day, but it’s usually more like four times a day. If I’m lucky.

In other random news, I decided to give Anthropologie a chance last week because they had some cute dresses online. I found one that I absolutely loved in the store. It was a color I liked, I could wear it to work, it was the right style for my body shape, and it was at a mostly reasonable price. I tried on one size and while the waist fit, the arm holes were huge and the chest was way too small (that’s a first). So, I tried on the next size up. This time the chest area was huge, the waist seemed smaller, and the arm holes were Barbie-sized. I tried on that same dress again using two separate dresses in the same size hoping it was a one-time flaw in one of the first two dresses, but same story. IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE.

Anthropologie, I want to like you, I really do, but whoever is making your patterns needs to set the scotch down before cutting.

Also, this model is perfectly lovely and attractive, but can there please be one photo of her with her mouth closed. It’s driving me crazy and makes her look so derpy.

AND, she’s on Piperlime now! Taking it far it and wide. Good for her working that open mouth.

Picture1I assume that she must be some kind of monster with that thing closed.

Finally, Bryan Cranston was in Baywatch. I don’t even know what to think right now. I loved Baywatch and now I love him even more. Start at minute 30:

That man barely ages. What is this dark magic!

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1984

On Saturday, my sweet friend Jenifer turned the big 3-0. Welcome to the club, hooker. To celebrate this momentous occasion, we threw her a 1984-themed birthday party at her home. It’s easier to force introverts into social situations when you can just bring the party to them and trap them in it. We got things started with Mexican martinis.

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So excited to turn 30. Much joy.

We were super excited that people actually dressed up. It was touch and go there for an hour. Chelsy and Matt came as Chelsy’s mom in 1984 and “The Incredible Hulk.” Chelsy is the smallest fully-grown person I’ve ever known and her mom’s outfit was snug on her. Those people are freaks of nature. And Matt is just a freak.

DSC_0572At one point she sneezed and popped a button on the pants.

Indiana Jones and his 5’11 sidekick “Short Round” showed up. We kept our hearts covered.

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We also had some Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (they first appeared in the comics in 1984 apparently) :

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Lots of weapons at this party. Sari dressed as Atreyu from “The NeverEnding Story” which quickly became the never ending craft project as she built the jacket and necklace from scratch. Apparently it’s quite difficult to sew imitation leather upholstery fabric.

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I went as Jessica Fletcher from “Murder, She Wrote” (or, “Murder, She Typed” as my friend’s husband insisted because “GUYS, SHE WAS TYPING”).  I don’t have a special picture of just myself which is the best part of being the person taking pictures: you aren’t in them!

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Most people thought I was Sally Jesse Raphael or Emma Thompson dressed as a Hogwarts professor (but not Trelawny because obviously). Emma Thompson is pretty much the most flattering thing someone could be called, so I might just make that wig a permanent thing.

We also kept the tradition going with the giant donut cake from Round Rock Donuts:
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Those donuts are so damn delicious. No one is ever getting a real cake again. Hyped up on sugar, we partied late into the night. Well, late until midnight, but still pretty late for us.

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Happy married people:

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It was a fun time, but Caroline’s absence was strongly felt. I kept waiting for her to burst through the doors with her squealing laughter. We sure miss that kid, but she was definitely there in spirit and would have been proud that we actually threw a decent party.

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Magnificent Men of Monday

I recently started watching “The Fall” with Jamie Dornan, and while I was previously giving him side-eye over this terrible 50 Shades business, he’s so pretty. I cannot wait for the next season.

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