Stab No More

First and foremost, it is one week until the third anniversary of my 25th birthday. I just wanted to let you know so you could go ahead and stick all those gifts of diamonds, caviar, and Belgian chocolate in the mail. I would be so embarrassed for you if they arrived late.

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Also, I will accept cash donations and personal checks so I can get my hands on Kate’s fantastic Jimmy Choo sandals. I would donate a kidney for one night in those.

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Swooooooooooooooooooooooooooon straight to the floor. Anyway, I’m kidding about the presents. Gifts make me uncomfortable. So just send me a pony or two because I need them to pull my kayak to the bay.

Anyway, on to less important things. As I’ve mentioned, over the past couple of weeks I’ve been constantly hungry and I haven’t been exercising. As the exercise ceased and the hunger flourished, I noticed a fun new trend:

When I’m going to work out in the evening, I make healthy and sane choices during the day so I don’t puke in public. Working out at night also takes time that I would have spent sitting on the couch fantasizing about the jar of peanut butter and the box of cinnamon graham crackers in the pantry. After working out I”m in a good mood and less prone to eating a jar of peanut butter. Additionally, why the hell did I just spend an hour sweating and dying just to come home and eat 3200 calories of creamy peanut goodness.

I cannot get enough peanut butter lately. It’s probably a protein deficiency, so I should probably go ahead and eat it for medical reasons. Obviously. Anyway, I recently finished the book Spark by John Ratey which was recommended to me by my Crossfit coach with the comment “Since you’re really nerdy, maybe this book will help you understand why you need exercise in your life.” And he was right, I finally got it.

I always kind of thought the exercise high was BS. I mean, I do feel better after working out, but I rarely actually want to do it. I realize that after running I am less likely to stab someone, but I was missing the big picture effect of it. If exercise makes me so happy, then why do I loathe it so much? I mean, Dots candy makes me happy, and I have no problem committing to them. So why not the positive association with exercise? Probably a personal problem.

Anyway, this book was incredible. The author goes into great detail and presents peer-reviewed research on how exercise affects the chemistry of our brains and bodies. He reviews how early morning exercise programs dramatically impacted the scores of students in reading and math as well as the negative correlation between those students who participated in the program and behavior problems.

The sections I found most interesting were those on how exercise affects anxiety, depression, ADHD, addiction, aging, hormonal changes, and inflammatory diseases. He really delves into the details about the brain’s structure, chemistry, functions, and processes that are affected by adding exercise to your day. I’m not naturally drawn to things that are overly technical in the fields of biology and anatomy (because I have no idea what any of it means), but Dr. Ratey presented the information in a compelling and conversational style that was easy to digest without being overwhelming. Anyway, if you are interested in why exercise makes us feel the way we do, I highly recommend this read.

The point of that tangent is that I didn’t really truly grasp the degree to which exercise impacts  my mood and general level of satisfaction with life. I was significantly more hateful over the past few weeks when I was just eating junk and parking it on the couch after work. So, I’m going to get back into the habit of eating better and getting my butt out the door more often. But, obviously, I have no plans to stop whining and complaining about anything exercise related. Regardless of how it makes me feel. I still don’t want to do it, but I will.

Additionally, I also need to start building up mileage because I would really like to run the Houston Marathon next January (or if I don’t make it through the lottery, run in Austin in February). In sharp contrast to the non-existent base I had when starting training last June for Chicago, I would actually like to start this cycle without the added difficulty of having to simultaneously dig out of the hole of laziness while increasing mileage. So that’s my big plan this weekend, create a training schedule based on the Furman Institute three day training plan I used for Chicago while incorporating Crossfit a a few times a week.  I’m off to celebrate starting an exercise regime.

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God I love Big Ang.

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WTF Wednesday

Honorary doctoral degrees for random celebrities drives me nuts. WTF has Alec Baldwin done in terms of national or international distinction through contributions , scholarly activity, or achievement in music? I don’t get it.

There are celebrities who I do believe meet the qualifications for outstanding service in philanthropy, public affairs, education, business, or the arts. Oprah? Yes. Sir Paul McCartney? Absolutely. Alec Baldwin? Why?

I also want to know why commencement speakers who have not earned a doctorate are allowed to wear doctoral robes? I often see politicians speaking at graduation ceremonies and they are almost always in doctoral regalia. WTF? It makes me so stabby. Some of us spent a significant portion of our youth earning our degrees. And some of us sacrificed for said degrees and will be paying the rest of our lives for them (shout out to my friends with student loans). Grrrr.

I don’t think it’s any different than if I showed up to a military ceremony wearing a Naval uniform. I didn’t do the work and I didn’t earn it. It would be highly offensive.

Anyway, off that soap box. I was a little overambitious yesterday morning when I decided to dive back into exercise. I did a ton of squats and push-ups before I ran and now my entire body shakes every time I move. I don’t know WTF I was thinking trying to exercise. My body constantly rejects movement.

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Seriously. Every time someone asked me to do something yesterday that involved standing or walking I got extremely irritated (<- I'm a bucket of fun to work with).

I spent 14 hours yesterday trying to clean data so I could merge it into a report in Word. I had never done this before and it took every single brain cell I had. I don't know WTF was so complicated about it, but I barely survived. That spread sheet was a full blown shit shown when I got it.

WTF was the deal with the men and the awkward props they brought on the Bachelorette?

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I kind of feel like you leave the weird at home during first impressions. Maybe it’s because I’m super judgmental and rarely change my opinions of people after the initial meeting, but those bobble heads would have creeped me out to no end. I couldn’t not even have generated a fake and uncomfortable high pitched laugh about those.

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Gradumacated

Last Wednesday night I drove up to San Marcos for my sister’s graduation. I got to stay at her sweet apartment which is about 900 times swankier than mine. I’m not bitter at all. Not at all. We stayed up late watching Lord of the Rings and cleaning. It was fabulous. Sadly, when we woke up Thursday for graduation, we were in the midst of a torrential downpour. Fantastic. Our family arrived and we piled in the cars and headed towards the basketball stadium. Unfortunately, we were running a tad behind and got stuck in major traffic and ended up walking about a mile in the heavy humidity. I do not cope well with being late or sweaty. Luckily, we made it with seven minutes to spare and found seats right as things got started.

Thankfully they had six graduation ceremonies, so this only lasted about 1.5 hours. Seeing her walk across the stage was one of the proudest moments of my life. ADHD has always made school very hard on her, but she hasn’t let it stop her.  She’s a baller. I’m getting weepy just thinking about it.

Post-ceremony, we trudged back through the rain and headed to her apartment for lunch. It was amazing. There was BBQ, white bread (<- efff you whole wheat), peach cobbler, and the most delicious cake balls ever. They tasted just like Reese’s even though my mom assured me they didn’t have peanut butter in them. I’m not crazy and I’m not delusional, I know Reese’s when I taste them.

We also took some awkward family photos on the porch in the rain.

Bardot is too cool for pictures.

 

At least half of  the pictures look like the following. Mamaw is talking and I’m trying to make my cheeks stop hurting. Having a giant smile and chipmunk cheeks is painful.

Sari and her boyfriend are professional models. They are really good at posing like creepy twins.

For her gift I gave her animal butt magnets and money. I’m sure she really appreciates it. And Mamaw gave Sari the elephant painting that was so cruelly ripped from her hands at Christmas.

All is right in the world now. After eating I drove to Austin to see my friend Chelsy and my little boyfriend. He gave me side-eye all night. He’s rude. Just like his mother.

On Saturday we had lunch with my other grandmother and watched about six hours of Twin Peaks. One of these days we are going to get that series finished. Sunday morning we woke up and went to church with Mamaw and her creepy passenger:

She is so much more disturbing than the Donnie Darko bunny from last year. Shudder.  After church we enjoyed (and by enjoyed I mean demolished) lunch on the grounds.

By the time I got home Sunday I was so hungry that I ate an entire watermelon (not a huge one, but definitely sizable) and a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I started out with a bowl of cereal and a few chunks of watermelon (as I had chopped it up and intended to take it for snack this week) and as the night progressed I just kept going back for more. Five hours later, I had nothing to show but a garbage bag of rinds and an empty cereal box. Thankfully I took a heavy enough dose of steroids over the past six days that I feel normal again. But my face feels swollen like a water balloon and I’m starving even while I’m stuffing my face. Ugh. Anyway, today I start cutting back and I’ll be off them in a few days.  I hope the never ending hunger goes with it because  I don’t make enough money to feed this appetite.

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Magnificent Men of Monday

Ian Somerhalder, aka the reason I started watching Lost. I remember seeing him on a promo for the show and I was SOLD. Too bad I didn’t know his stint on the island would be so short-lived. Sad face.  Anyway, to make up for Eminem last week, here you go.

    

I feel that. It’s so hard being really, really, ridiculously good looking. So. Hard.

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